{"id":12639,"date":"2023-12-12T01:32:00","date_gmt":"2023-12-12T08:32:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/2c569367-9abe-11e8-99ad-ca52c1e5b2af"},"modified":"2023-12-08T11:52:23","modified_gmt":"2023-12-08T18:52:23","slug":"practical-ways-to-trade-your-fairytale","status":"publish","type":"blog","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/practical-ways-to-trade-your-fairytale\/","title":{"rendered":"Practical Ways to Trade Your Fairy Tale"},"content":{"rendered":"

As part of my research for today\u2019s article, \u201cTrading in Your Fairy Tale<\/a>,\u201d I interviewed married couples and singles. The perspectives of those two groups came back very different. For those already married, hindsight seemed to be 20\/20, and they could see how their spouse may have not fulfilled the fairy tale image they had while single but was somehow better \u2014 and ultimately God\u2019s best for them.<\/p>\n

Singles, however, seemed to have fewer resources for rejecting \u201cthe fairy tale\u201d with nothing tangible to replace it. As a single, when you think about trading in the fairy tale, you may imagine marrying someone who you find boring, unattractive or inferior. One single woman asked, \u201cDo you think married people who gave up the fairy tale just feel obligated to \u2018be happy\u2019 with what they ended up with?\u201d While that may be true in some cases (even if you made an unwise choice in marriage, that is now the person with whom you have a lifelong covenant before God) more commonly I observe that the person couldn\u2019t envision what kind of individual would make a good spouse for them until God provided that person. Then it became clear.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re waiting for a spouse and wondering how to adopt a wise and balanced perspective in the meantime, consider these three practical suggestions:<\/p>\n

1. Keep dreaming.<\/h4>\n

A woman in her late-20s recently confessed to me that she will no longer be able to wear her dream wedding dress when she marries because her body isn\u2019t as svelte as it once was. While that may be partially true, some parts of the fairy tale are worth continuing to dream about (and work toward), such as the type of wedding you might want or (if you\u2019re a woman) the type of dress you might want to wear.<\/p>\n

At 31 I was able to have the beautiful wedding of my dreams. I was in shape from regular running and found a dress I loved (though maybe not the one I would have chosen 10 years earlier). In addition, my many years in the workforce provided me with some savings to spend a little more on my wedding than would have been possible in my 20s. When people ask me about the benefits of marrying later, I tell them (half-jokingly) \u201cdigital pictures.\u201d My pictures are magazine quality while some of my friends who married in college are stuck with dated prints. You may have to give up a few of your dreams, but you may discover other benefits you didn’t see coming.<\/p>\n

2. Adjust your expectations and embrace growth.<\/h4>\n

While it\u2019s healthy to keep hoping for the deep desires God has placed in your heart, it\u2019s also important to be willing to grow beyond your expectations. Allyson says her mom married at 19, and Allyson \u201cimagined a marriage with Mr. Right \u2014 ‘the one’ out there for me. He would sweep me off my feet, and our relationship would be just like my parents\u2019 marriage. He would listen to me, care about me, serve me, and be a great husband, father, and provider.\u201d<\/p>\n

Allyson says as she\u2019s remained single past college and grad school, God has used that time to shift her focus. \u201cI found myself consuming the wisdom of marriage and family experts,\u201d she says. \u201cAnd I began making decisions about how I wanted to serve my husband and children. After hearing so many helpful accounts of challenges in marriage and how to deal with them, I started tucking these ideas and strategies away into my mental marriage arsenal. I have learned\u00a0so<\/em>\u00a0much that has totally changed my views of marriage and my expectations for a husband. Yes, some of the ideas (i.e., fantasies) I leave behind make me a little sad, but I am so thankful for my future husband\u2019s sake that he hasn\u2019t come along any sooner.”<\/p>\n

3. Patiently wait for \u201cbetter things.\u201d<\/h4>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>The Bible tells us that every good and perfect gift comes from the Lord (James 1:17<\/a>). This was a concept that sustained me during my single years. As I sought to be obedient to the Lord, I believed that if marriage was a gift He wished to bestow on me, that He would do it in His timing and it would be the person of His choosing.<\/p>\n

Melissa, who is in her mid-30s and hopes to be married someday, says she\u2019s comforted by this Corrie Ten Boom quote:<\/p>\n

\u201cHold everything in your hands lightly; otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cI think we often blame God,\u201d Melissa says, \u201cthinking,\u00a0Why didn\u2019t You do this on my schedule? Why didn\u2019t You bring this person when I thought You should? Why did You bless that person\u00a0<\/i>before\u00a0<\/i>me?<\/i>\u00a0We get mad at God for prying our fingers open, when, in reality, the problem is we refuse to let go of things God wants to work on and replace with better things.\u201d<\/p>\n

While waiting on the “better” is not license to be impossibly picky, God promises to keep in perfect peace the one whose mind is steadfast on Him (Isaiah 26:3<\/a>). And that peace applies to seeking and settling upon a spouse who will go beyond the fairy tale.<\/p>\n

Copyright 2014 Suzanne Hadley Gosselin. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019re waiting for a fairy tale ending and wondering how to adopt a wise and balanced perspective in the meantime, consider these things.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":28,"featured_media":39906,"menu_order":0,"template":"","categories":[8,18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12639","blog","type-blog","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-being-single","category-life"],"yoast_head":"\nPractical Ways to Trade Your Fairy Tale - Boundless<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If you\u2019re waiting for a fairy tale ending and wondering how to adopt a wise and balanced perspective in the meantime, consider these things.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/practical-ways-to-trade-your-fairytale\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Practical Ways to Trade Your Fairy Tale\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If you\u2019re waiting for a fairy tale ending and wondering how to adopt a wise and balanced perspective in the meantime, consider these things.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/practical-ways-to-trade-your-fairytale\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Boundless\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/boundless.org\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/practical-ways-to-trade-your-fairy-tale-6573361d145e1.webp\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1500\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1000\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/webp\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/practical-ways-to-trade-your-fairytale\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/practical-ways-to-trade-your-fairytale\/\",\"name\":\"Practical Ways to Trade Your Fairy Tale - Boundless\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/practical-ways-to-trade-your-fairytale\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/practical-ways-to-trade-your-fairytale\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/practical-ways-to-trade-your-fairy-tale-6573361d145e1.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-12-12T08:32:00+00:00\",\"description\":\"If you\u2019re waiting for a fairy tale ending and wondering how to adopt a wise and balanced perspective in the meantime, consider these things.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/practical-ways-to-trade-your-fairytale\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/practical-ways-to-trade-your-fairytale\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/practical-ways-to-trade-your-fairytale\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/practical-ways-to-trade-your-fairy-tale-6573361d145e1.webp\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/practical-ways-to-trade-your-fairy-tale-6573361d145e1.webp\",\"width\":1500,\"height\":1000,\"caption\":\"sign on a suitcase that says \\\"and they lived happily ever after\\\" a classic fairy tale ending\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/practical-ways-to-trade-your-fairytale\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Blog Posts\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Practical Ways to Trade Your Fairy Tale\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/\",\"name\":\"Boundless\",\"description\":\"Find your place. 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