\u201cYou\u2019re a great guy. Why wouldn\u2019t she like you?\u201d<\/p>\n
I get this all the time<\/em>. From friends. From family. From everybody. Anytime I start developing feelings for someone, they repeat these familiar lines along with others: \u201cShe\u2019d have to be crazy not to like you,\u201d and \u201cYou\u2019re the most attractive human being to ever walk the earth\u201d (though the latter may seem like an exaggeration, my family is very honest).<\/p>\n I get to know a woman over months of coffees and long runs and late-night conversations. I know what her family is like and the type of guy she\u2019s looking for. I drive home and analyze the qualities she listed, coming to the conclusion that I, of course, fit them all. I already know she fits all of mine as well.\u00a0And the whole time I\u2019m talking to this woman people tell me, \u201cYou\u2019re a great guy. Why wouldn\u2019t she like you?\u201d<\/p>\n After months of thoughts and feelings, I decide to confess things\u00a0while we sip shakes. It takes me a few false starts, but finally the words tumble out like blocks kicked by a toddler: \u201cI think I really, really like you. Like I have a lot of feelings for you.\u201d<\/p>\n My words slam to a halt, but my mind is racing. There must be more for me to say; I had it planned out in my head two hours before. There\u2019s chaos in my insides, matched with an odd feeling of peace \u2014 like the momentary stillness after a tornado.\u00a0The words have been said. They have left my brain and entered reality. All I can do is brace myself for what\u2019s coming. In the brief moment of silence, she opens her mouth and then closes it. She\u2019s hesitating, thinking.<\/p>\n Is that a good sign?<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cDrew, thank you so much for your honesty. So so much, it really means a lot.\u201d And she smiles a closed-lip smile that doesn\u2019t quite reach her eyes.<\/p>\n Oh, no. Not again.<\/em> My heart sinks, and my mind begins to spiral. At least I\u2019m used to what comes next.<\/p>\n She looks away as she says, \u201cI just don\u2019t have those same feelings.\u201d<\/p>\n See, this isn\u2019t a story about hitting my lowest then meeting the woman who finished my sentences and kissed me in the rain. I’m still looking for her, still subconsciously hoping she\u2019ll be sitting in every coffee shop I enter.<\/p>\n However, this is about waking up each morning and learning \u2014 remembering \u2014 that I am<\/em> a great guy, and one day, she will<\/em> like me. This is a story of hope; this is for every nice guy and the amazing women\u00a0they meet.<\/p>\n To the Nice Guy,<\/strong><\/p>\n I see you. I know you spend more time staring at your ceiling than into the eyes of the woman you can\u2019t stop thinking about. I do the same thing.<\/em><\/p>\n I know that ache in your gut and the feelings of loneliness. You just want someone to appreciate The Office as much as you do. You want an ice cream sharer, an inside-joke teller and a church-pew sitter.<\/em><\/p>\n So do I, brother. So do I.<\/em><\/p>\n But I\u2019m learning something about this time of singleness that may be helpful for you: Your wife is not at the end of your road. Being single and making my future wife the prize of my twenties only ends with debilitating paralysis. I become unable to move on to other adventures, goals or accomplishments until marriage is achieved.<\/em><\/p>\n I\u2019m learning my twenties are so much larger than marriage. I\u2019m preparing to move across the country and start a new season in a new city. I\u2019m pursuing a graduate degree and a career in writing. I have marathons to train for and youth groups to serve in. I’m so much more than simply a nice guy looking for a nice girl \u2014 and so are you.<\/em><\/p>\n So here\u2019s my advice: Pursue your passions. Code those computers, sketch those portraits, write those screenplays. Try new coffee shops, and say \u201cyes\u201d to what makes you uncomfortable. Cultivate courage. Set goals for yourself, hard goals that force you to stretch more than you imagined possible. And in the meantime, go on blind dates<\/a>, be brave (and risky) enough to ask out a friend, live in community, \u00a0and even when it’s hard keep being a nice guy.<\/em><\/p>\n Strive to be\u00a0a man of God, and find life abundant in Him, not a woman.<\/em><\/p>\n Love, Drew<\/em><\/p>\n Now, to the Awesome Woman,<\/strong><\/p>\n I wanted to write a note to you too because I know a lot of you, and I\u2019m sure you have plenty of the same fears I do. I don\u2019t know if nice guys have turned you down or if you\u2019ve been the one to turn nice guys down, but I believe you\u2019re a wonderful human being worthy of the best guy. And no matter how badly it hurts, your honesty means a lot to us nice guys.<\/em><\/p>\n I believe there are nice guys out there who aren\u2019t afraid to ask you on a date, guys who aren\u2019t going to make you their destinations, guys who will summon up all the courage they can muster to ask you out. But we may be scared or shy or calloused by rejection, so give us time. Don\u2019t give up on us. We long to share our hearts and passions,\u00a0and we’re looking for a woman\u00a0who actually cares about them \u2014 so we kind of need each other here.<\/em><\/p>\n Sometimes we don\u2019t act like things affect us, but they do (but don’t tell the other guys\u00a0I told you that). We want a hand to hold and a person to cherish just like you do. We want you to feel safe when you are with us. We want a healthy relationship that doesn\u2019t revolve around fights or small talk or baggage. We could be good together in the long run even if there’s not the fireworks you’re used to right now.<\/em><\/p>\n I promise, I promise, I promise nice guys do exist. And I promise we are excited to meet you; sometimes it just takes a little bit of courage and a whole lot of divinity.\u00a0We may be learning to be brave still, we may struggle with sharing emotion or\u00a0we may be struggling to understand ourselves (and you) \u2014 but we are out there.<\/em><\/p>\n Please hold out hope because we’re doing the same.<\/em><\/p>\n Love, Drew<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Drew Brown knows how to roller skate and loves authenticity and God and life. Read more at\u00a0drewbrownwrites.com<\/a>\u00a0or say hello to him on Twitter@drewbrownwrites<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n Copyright 2016 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This is about waking up each morning and learning \u2014 remembering \u2014 that I am a great guy, and one day, she will like me. This is a story of hope.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":28,"featured_media":42690,"menu_order":0,"template":"","categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13345","blog","type-blog","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating"],"yoast_head":"\nHarsh Realities for Nice Guys<\/h4>\n