{"id":13485,"date":"2024-04-03T01:24:14","date_gmt":"2024-04-03T07:24:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/2c62bffe-9abe-11e8-99ad-ca52c1e5b2af"},"modified":"2024-04-02T13:12:29","modified_gmt":"2024-04-02T19:12:29","slug":"what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction","status":"publish","type":"blog","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/","title":{"rendered":"What to Say When a Friend Admits Same-Sex Attraction"},"content":{"rendered":"

I have a close friend who is same-sex attracted. I\u2019ve seen him go through\u00a0some pretty tough seasons, but he has decided to deny himself those desires for sex and partnership with a man\u00a0and live a life fully committed to Jesus. And now he feels called to minister to the gay community like he thinks Jesus would.<\/p>\n

But I remember when he told me about his sexual attractions to men. He called and said he was having a really hard time with something. It was late at night, but I offered to\u00a0drive down\u00a0to meet him because it seemed so heavy. I’m not sure if I said all the right things that night, but I do remember that\u00a0by telling me about his struggle, he earned a very close place in my heart. If someone was willing to share something of that magnitude and vulnerability with me, I wanted to be friends with him. And he later told me it had been really meaningful that I drove all the way down to listen.<\/p>\n

What\u00a0that night meant to both of us is a large part of why we are such close friends today. I think those interactions can be crucial moments in people’s lives, and it’s critical how we respond. Trying to\u00a0love like Christ may make the difference between life and death. A few years into our friendship, my friend told me I had saved his life by the ways I had been there for him. It’s been a really, really hard process for him, but now he is a light to so many other people who deal with homosexuality.<\/p>\n

What do you say to your same-sex attracted friend?<\/h4>\n

I was talking to him the other day, and he told me how another friend of his\u00a0responded when he shared his struggle. My friend said this guy responded in the perfect way. Of\u00a0course, wondering what the “perfect way” was, I asked if he would share it with me. And when I ran his answer by another friend dealing with same-sex attraction, he agreed with it as well.<\/p>\n

I thought\u00a0this would be valuable to share with you. I’d bet most of us\u00a0will be part of conversations like this at some time in our lives, and\u00a0I want us to be able to navigate\u00a0this territory like I think Jesus would. Or just how a good friend would. So the following are the ingredients my friend says\u00a0to remember to include in your response when someone\u00a0discloses a homosexual struggle.<\/p>\n

1. Thank them<\/h5>\n

As\u00a0they are explaining the details of their story, say, “I just want to tell you I\u2019m really grateful you chose to\u00a0share this with me. It\u2019s important, and I assume it\u2019s really hard to do.”\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

2. Confirm your friendship<\/h5>\n

Tell them, \u201cI’m your friend, and I care about you.” And if you feel this way you can add, “In fact, I feel closer to you now because of your vulnerability, and after knowing\u00a0the hard stuff you\u2019ve gone through.”<\/p>\n

3. Reflect their vulnerability<\/h5>\n

Tell them something that is difficult for you to share with people. This can be a really beautiful thing. There are things I now feel comfortable sharing with my friend that would be scary to tell anybody else.<\/p>\n

4. Ask questions<\/h5>\n

Humbly ask them any appropriate questions, showing them that you want to understand\u00a0them better, and just to defuse any of the stereotypes\u00a0you\u2019ve heard. Tell them they don\u2019t have to answer anything they don\u2019t feel comfortable answering. It\u2019s OK\u00a0to admit and\u00a0affirm a biblical view of homosexuality<\/a>, even if they don’t share your belief. You can say your understanding and experience has been different while still striving to listen to and love them.<\/p>\n

5. Physical touch<\/h5>\n

As you say goodbye, put your hand on their shoulder or hug them just to let them know you love them.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

I hope these tips help you be Jesus to the world<\/a>. And who knows the ways God will redeem a struggle for His glory? When I asked my same-sex attracted friend if he would get rid of the struggle if he could, he responded, “If I didn’t have this struggle<\/a>, I wouldn’t be forced to lean on Jesus so much. And knowing Jesus like I do now is worth everything in the world to me.”<\/p>\n

Copyright 2017 Ross Boone. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here are a few suggestions of how to respond when a same-sex attracted friend or family member chooses to share their struggle.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":28,"featured_media":40478,"menu_order":0,"template":"","categories":[6,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13485","blog","type-blog","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life-with-others","category-sexuality"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat to Say When a Friend Admits Same-Sex Attraction - Boundless<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Here are a few suggestions of how to respond when a same-sex attracted friend or family member chooses to share their struggle.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What to Say When a Friend Admits Same-Sex Attraction\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Here are a few suggestions of how to respond when a same-sex attracted friend or family member chooses to share their struggle.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Boundless\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/boundless.org\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/nina-conte-KQp3cctJvb0-unsplash-1-e1603207726316.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1280\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"720\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"What to Say When a Friend Admits Same-Sex Attraction\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"Here are a few suggestions of how to respond when a same-sex attracted friend or family member chooses to share their struggle.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/nina-conte-KQp3cctJvb0-unsplash-1-e1603207726316.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/\",\"name\":\"What to Say When a Friend Admits Same-Sex Attraction - Boundless\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/same-sex-attraction-65e8a9d1188ad.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2024-04-03T07:24:14+00:00\",\"description\":\"Here are a few suggestions of how to respond when a same-sex attracted friend or family member chooses to share their struggle.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/same-sex-attraction-65e8a9d1188ad.webp\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/same-sex-attraction-65e8a9d1188ad.webp\",\"width\":1500,\"height\":1000,\"caption\":\"two guys looking out over water at sunset. What to say to a friend when they admit they are same-sex attracted\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Blog Posts\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"What to Say When a Friend Admits Same-Sex Attraction\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/\",\"name\":\"Boundless\",\"description\":\"Find your place. Focus your future.\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Boundless\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/boundless-logo.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/boundless-logo.png\",\"width\":1201,\"height\":289,\"caption\":\"Boundless\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/boundless.org\"]}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO Premium plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"What to Say When a Friend Admits Same-Sex Attraction - Boundless","description":"Here are a few suggestions of how to respond when a same-sex attracted friend or family member chooses to share their struggle.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"What to Say When a Friend Admits Same-Sex Attraction","og_description":"Here are a few suggestions of how to respond when a same-sex attracted friend or family member chooses to share their struggle.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/","og_site_name":"Boundless","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/boundless.org","og_image":[{"width":1280,"height":720,"url":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/nina-conte-KQp3cctJvb0-unsplash-1-e1603207726316.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_title":"What to Say When a Friend Admits Same-Sex Attraction","twitter_description":"Here are a few suggestions of how to respond when a same-sex attracted friend or family member chooses to share their struggle.","twitter_image":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/nina-conte-KQp3cctJvb0-unsplash-1-e1603207726316.jpg","twitter_misc":{"Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/","url":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/","name":"What to Say When a Friend Admits Same-Sex Attraction - Boundless","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/same-sex-attraction-65e8a9d1188ad.webp","datePublished":"2024-04-03T07:24:14+00:00","description":"Here are a few suggestions of how to respond when a same-sex attracted friend or family member chooses to share their struggle.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/same-sex-attraction-65e8a9d1188ad.webp","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/same-sex-attraction-65e8a9d1188ad.webp","width":1500,"height":1000,"caption":"two guys looking out over water at sunset. What to say to a friend when they admit they are same-sex attracted"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/what-to-say-when-a-friend-admits-same-sex-attraction\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Blog Posts","item":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"What to Say When a Friend Admits Same-Sex Attraction"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/","name":"Boundless","description":"Find your place. Focus your future.","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#organization","name":"Boundless","url":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/boundless-logo.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/05\/boundless-logo.png","width":1201,"height":289,"caption":"Boundless"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/boundless.org"]}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/blog\/13485","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/blog"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/blog"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/28"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/blog\/13485\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/40478"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13485"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13485"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13485"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}