{"id":13505,"date":"2025-10-07T01:25:13","date_gmt":"2025-10-07T07:25:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/2c62ec95-9abe-11e8-99ad-ca52c1e5b2af"},"modified":"2025-10-07T01:37:29","modified_gmt":"2025-10-07T07:37:29","slug":"am-i-too-strong-to-date","status":"publish","type":"blog","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/am-i-too-strong-to-date\/","title":{"rendered":"Am I Too Strong to Date?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Have you ever been told that you\u2019re too strong to date? Or, have you wondered why you’re successful in several areas of life, but, at the same time, dateless?<\/p>\n

A couple of years ago I came across the post On Daughters and Dating: How to Intimidate Suitors<\/a> by Jen Wilkin on The Gospel Coalition. Wilkin\u2019s underlying message\u00a0is for parents. She encourages them to raise their girls to be confident Christian women, which in turn easily and naturally helps them ward off unwanted attention and advances.<\/p>\n

The whole piece is a well-written, thoughtful response to the machismo-laden, don\u2019t-mess-with-my-little-girl-or-else \u201capplications to date my daughter\u201d posts that garnered a lot of attention and approval from conservative American dads.<\/p>\n

Wilkin encourages girls, along with parental support, to \u201cbuild a wall\u201d \u2014 a Rapunzel-style wall of protection based on Song of Solomon 8:8-10<\/a> \u2014 to discourage a \u201cslouchy pants\u201d from attempting to pursue her, because \u201cnothing [is] more terrifying than a woman who knows her worth to God and to her family.\u201d<\/p>\n

This kind of girl \u201cintimidates them just fine on her own. Because you know what\u2019s intimidating?\u00a0 Strength and dignity. Deep faith. Self-assuredness. Wisdom. Kindness. Humility. Industriousness.\u201d<\/p>\n

I agree.\u00a0 In some ways, I am that girl.<\/p>\n

I was raised by Christian parents who taught me to be secure in my identity, confident and not only aware of, but utilizing, my God-given talents and abilities for the kingdom of God. They trusted me to make wise choices in dating. I didn\u2019t need a shotgun-toting dad to screen boys. I was, and am, strong.<\/p>\n

And that strength shooed the boys away \u2026 even the good Christian boys.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the deal: I\u2019m in my mid-30s and single. It\u2019s not by choice, and it\u2019s not what I ever envisioned for my life.\u00a0 I want (and have always wanted) to marry, have children, and work and minister within my home, church and neighborhood.\u00a0 But so far, none of the men in my circle have been interested and\/or willing to scale the wall.<\/p>\n

In the almost 15\u00a0years I\u2019ve been back in my hometown after graduating from college, there have been a handful of good men to whom I would\u2019ve enthusiastically said \u201cyes\u201d had they asked.\u00a0 Yet after\u00a0some \u201cflirting without follow through\u201d on their part, none of them took the risk to define the relationship and pursue, despite lots of hints and nudges and responsiveness on my part. It\u2019s not necessarily their fault\u2026nor mine. It\u2019s just a part of my story.<\/p>\n

Wilkin writes that some Christian men will fail to see the benefits of confident Christian women because of a misinterpretation of what it means to \u201clead\u201d in a relationship. This generates a loss on both sides. Women who are a \u201ccatch\u201d are overlooked and may feel pressure to soften their God-honoring strengths to get noticed.\u00a0 Men miss out on the blessing of dating and marrying a woman whose identity isn\u2019t wrapped up in a relationship, a man or even marriage, but is fixed on Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n

This is where Wilkin writes the most incredible three lines of the article \u2014 the point I\u2019ve gone back to time and time again:<\/p>\n

Leadership is not about the strong looking for weaker people to lead.\u00a0 It\u2019s about the humble looking for those whose strengths offset their weaknesses and complement their strengths.\u00a0 Strong leaders surround themselves with strong people, not weak ones.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

At the end of the day, I don\u2019t know if it is my strength that has turned men off, or if it’s other parts of my personality, looks or character that disqualify me as dating material in their eyes.\u00a0 And that\u2019s OK. I\u2019m living my life to the fullest, working hard, pursuing interests and genuinely having a good time. I\u2019m not sitting at home on the weekends, wallowing over a lack of dates.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m also still hopeful for a \u201csomeday\u201d when one good Christian man will ditch the idea of a soul mate (a perfect person who doesn\u2019t exist) and find in me a \u201csole mate<\/a>\u201d \u2013 a teammate to \u201crun the race\u201d alongside. In other words, I want to date and marry someone who sees and agrees that we\u2019re successful in offsetting weaknesses and complementing one another.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ll brick-by-brick build a wonderful new life together and join forces for King and kingdom\u2026but first he has to scale my single girl wall.<\/p>\n

Female readers: Have you ever been told that you\u2019re intimidating or too strong to date? How have you responded? Male readers: Do you agree or disagree with my statements above? Do you feel intimidated by strong Christian women? How do you differentiate between godly strength and worldly bravado in the women you meet?<\/p>\n

Copyright 2017 Lindsay Blackburn. All rights reserved.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I don\u2019t know if it’s my strength that turns men off, or if it’s other parts of my personality, looks or character that disqualify me as dating material.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":28,"featured_media":43882,"menu_order":0,"template":"","categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13505","blog","type-blog","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating"],"yoast_head":"\nAm I Too Strong to Date? - Boundless<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I don\u2019t know if it's my strength that turns men off, or if it's other parts of my personality or looks that disqualify me as dating material.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/am-i-too-strong-to-date\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Am I Too Strong to Date?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I don\u2019t know if it's my strength that turns men off, or if it's other parts of my personality, looks or character that disqualify me as dating material.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/am-i-too-strong-to-date\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Boundless\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/boundless.org\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-10-07T07:37:29+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/Armor-suit.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"4120\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"2747\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"Am I Too Strong to Date?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"I don\u2019t know if it's my strength that turns men off, or if it's other parts of my personality, looks or character that disqualify me as dating material.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/Armor-suit.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/am-i-too-strong-to-date\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/am-i-too-strong-to-date\/\",\"name\":\"Am I Too Strong to Date? - Boundless\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/am-i-too-strong-to-date\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/am-i-too-strong-to-date\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/am-i-too-strong-to-date-68af3b8214e4b.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2025-10-07T07:25:13+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-10-07T07:37:29+00:00\",\"description\":\"I don\u2019t know if it's my strength that turns men off, or if it's other parts of my personality or looks that disqualify me as dating material.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/am-i-too-strong-to-date\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/am-i-too-strong-to-date\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/am-i-too-strong-to-date\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/am-i-too-strong-to-date-68af3b8214e4b.webp\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/am-i-too-strong-to-date-68af3b8214e4b.webp\",\"width\":1500,\"height\":1000,\"caption\":\"a strong woman posing like Rosie the Riveter\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/am-i-too-strong-to-date\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Blog Posts\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Am I Too Strong to Date?\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/\",\"name\":\"Boundless\",\"description\":\"Find your place. 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