{"id":13526,"date":"2024-10-23T01:24:55","date_gmt":"2024-10-23T07:24:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/2c631673-9abe-11e8-99ad-ca52c1e5b2af"},"modified":"2024-10-22T08:13:05","modified_gmt":"2024-10-22T14:13:05","slug":"the-passive-aggression-in-me","status":"publish","type":"blog","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/the-passive-aggression-in-me\/","title":{"rendered":"The Passive Aggression in Me"},"content":{"rendered":"

Do you have passive aggressive tendencies? Take this short quiz to find out.<\/p>\n

A loved one has unintentionally said something that hurt your feelings. In response, you:<\/span><\/p>\n

A.\u00a0confront him about it.
\n<\/span>B.\u00a0say something hurtful in return.
\n<\/span>C.\u00a0keep icy silence until he figures out what he did wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n

Your roommate is borrowing your computer without your permission and it\u2019s bugging you. In response, you:
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

A.\u00a0politely ask her to stop.
\n<\/span>B.\u00a0get over it because you know she needs to work on her resume.
\n<\/span>C. password protect the computer without telling her.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span>You\u2019ve been feeling neglected by your friends. When they finally ask you to hang out with them, you:<\/span><\/p>\n

A.\u00a0enthusiastically\u00a0agree.
\n<\/span>B.\u00a0tell them yes and explain how you\u2019ve been missing them and feeling lonely.
\n<\/span>C.\u00a0wait for them to call you when you don\u2019t show up to make sure they \u201creally\u201d want you there.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

If “C” sounds familiar to you in one or more of\u00a0these cases, then you are probably acquainted with the tactic that is passive aggression. Passive aggression can take on a lot of forms, including resentment, hostility, procrastination and a negative attitude. It\u2019s one of my biggest pet peeves \u2014 not only in others, but also in myself.<\/span><\/p>\n

For some reason, passive aggression comes naturally to me. It\u2019s where my brain first turns after I\u2019ve been hurt. I think it\u2019s because I don\u2019t like conflict. I don\u2019t want to threaten the relationship, so I say nothing or I let my feelings show in the hopes that the other person will notice and begin the discussion so I don\u2019t have to.<\/span><\/p>\n

Owning the Hurt<\/h4>\n

I don\u2019t like admitting when I am hurt; it makes me feel weak because I am putting the power in the other person\u2019s hands. They have the choice to validate the way I am feeling or not. At times I’m overcome with the fear that they won\u2019t.<\/span><\/p>\n

The willingness to communicate honestly, even when candid discussion opens the floodgates to uncomfortable emotions, is the hallmark of\u00a0a healthy relationship. Sharing those damaged feelings and getting through an argument <\/span>together<\/span><\/i> can actually strengthen the bond. Because we\u2019re in relationships with other fallible human beings, there’s always the chance we might get hurt and an argument might not end with rainbows and butterflies. But building a relationship on a solid foundation of honest communication is worth the\u00a0risk.<\/span><\/p>\n

In my experience,\u00a0passive aggression sometimes stems from feeling inadequate and uncertain about ourselves. We want proof that people like us, and we dig around for the validation\u00a0in subtle ways or choose to wallow in self-pity. We may give someone the cold shoulder or shut down meaningful conversation to show our displeasure. Or we might attempt a power play where we’re the hero who points out a flaw and\u00a0comes in to solve a problem at the last minute.<\/span><\/p>\n

Love\u00a0Before Politeness<\/h4>\n

The destructive thing about passive aggressive behavior is that it appears<\/em> to take the responsibility off our shoulders and makes it look<\/em>\u00a0like we have the other person\u2019s best interest in mind<\/a>. But it’s actually self-centered. When someone asks,\u00a0\u201cWhy didn\u2019t you just talk to me if you\u2019re feeling lonely?\u201d and I\u00a0respond with, \u201cI didn\u2019t want to be a bother,\u201d I\u00a0place\u00a0the responsibility for\u00a0my feelings on someone else\u2019s shoulders\u00a0\u2014 and that\u2019s not fair, or honest. It drives a wedge between me and others, rather than promoting unity.<\/span><\/p>\n

David has a poetic way of describing something that sounds suspiciously like passive aggression in Psalm 55 \u2014 \u201cHis speech was smooth as butter, yet war was in his heart; his words were softer than oil, yet they were drawn swords\u201d (v. 21<\/a>).\u00a0<\/span>We live in a culture where we\u2019re trained to be agreeable and polite, and where disagreement and conflict are\u00a0to be avoided at all cost. Passive aggression can flourish because we draw our \u201cswords\u201d with politeness in order to escape the disruptive nature of an argument. Fear lies at the heart of the issue, and the more often we confront it, the easier it gets to communicate our feelings and needs with those we love. Just as God invites\u00a0us to be brave and honest with Him about our feelings, \u00a0we can strengthen our relationships with others when we are honest with them.<\/span><\/p>\n

Copyright 2017 Allison Barron. All rights reserved.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Passive aggressive behavior drives a wedge between me and others, rather than promoting unity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":28,"featured_media":41608,"menu_order":0,"template":"","categories":[6,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13526","blog","type-blog","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life-with-others","category-personal-growth"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Passive Aggression in Me - Boundless<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Passive aggression comes naturally to me. It\u2019s where my brain first turns after I\u2019ve been hurt. 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