{"id":13537,"date":"2026-01-14T01:26:12","date_gmt":"2026-01-14T08:26:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/2c633d50-9abe-11e8-99ad-ca52c1e5b2af"},"modified":"2026-01-14T01:34:32","modified_gmt":"2026-01-14T08:34:32","slug":"how-not-to-sound-judgy","status":"publish","type":"blog","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/how-not-to-sound-judgy\/","title":{"rendered":"How Not to Sound Judgy"},"content":{"rendered":"

Do you ever worry about how your Christian convictions\u00a0come across to non-Christians?<\/p>\n

One of my Christian friends had to go to China for a work project. He had heard stories around the office about the debauchery that happens on these trips. Most of the men talked about getting drunk, womanizing and inappropriately flirting with their female\u00a0coworkers, even if they\u00a0were married.<\/span><\/p>\n

My\u00a0friend, wanting to be a good example of a Christian and wanting to take precautions so he didn\u2019t do something dumb, resolved not to drink any alcohol while there.\u00a0<\/span>But when the others going on the trip found out about his decision, they replied with comments like, \u201cC\u2019mon, don\u2019t be like that. Are you serious? You need to let loose a little.\u201d And, \u201cSo does this mean you are judging us? Can we trust you not to tattle on us or something?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

When convictions get misunderstood<\/h4>\n

Misunderstandings of where our moral decisions come from happen all the time. When people find out that I don\u2019t get drunk, chase tail or cuss all the time, they sometimes assume certain things about me. They believe I\u2019m naive and blindly obey what others tell me, and I\u2019m afraid much of the time they assume my convictions mean I\u2019m judging them.<\/span><\/p>\n

I wonder if there are ways to tell non-believers our convictions that can prevent (or at least engage) these misconceptions. I know we can trust the Holy Spirit to speak for himself, but we can also help others understand by speaking in terms that make sense to them. Simply telling them we do these things \u201cbecause the Bible tells me so\u201d probably isn\u2019t compelling to them because they don\u2019t consider\u00a0the Bible authoritative.<\/span><\/p>\n

Explaining the “why” behind our choices<\/h4>\n

One of the things we can say is a bit about\u00a0<\/span>why<\/span><\/i> the Bible tells us so. In Philippians 4:8<\/a> Paul says, <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFinally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Paul then says if you do these things,\u00a0the God of peace will be with you.<\/span><\/p>\n

Much of the reason we stay away from certain things is so that we can keep peace in our souls and minds. Hopefully others can respect that.\u00a0<\/span>And to avoid being accused of judging them<\/a>, we can admit to our weakness in our response.<\/span><\/p>\n

For example, if someone says, \u201cWhat do you mean, you don\u2019t want to get drunk? Do you think drinking is wrong or something?” we can perhaps reply with something like, \u201cI\u2019d love to grab a beer with you, but after a couple, I slur my words, and I already have a hard enough time keeping up with your sharp wit!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Or if someone says, \u201cWhat do you mean, you won\u2019t go to a strip club with us? Do you think we\u2019re bad people?\u201d maybe we can respond with something like, \u201cFor me, that’s like giving a beer to a sober alcoholic. It\u2019s really hard for me not to be thinking about that for days afterwards.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Or if someone says, \u201cWait, you won\u2019t see the movie because it\u2019s rated R? Are we like six years old or something now?\u201d maybe one way we can respond is, \u201cNo, it’s not about the rating. I already have a hard enough time keeping peace in my brain, and I\u2019m afraid the sex and violence in this one would kind of knock me off kilter for a while. Thanks for the invite, though.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Or if someone says, “Why do you always walk away when we start talking trash about the people in accounting? You think we’re bad people?” we can say, “No, it’s just that I’ve always struggled with being too competitive and overly critical of people, so that stuff can pull me into a downward\u00a0spiral.”<\/p>\n

Of course your responses will have to be customized for you and your reasons but I think if we explain the <\/span>why<\/span><\/i> behind what we\u2019re abstaining from and then deliver it in terms of admitting our weakness, that can help soften how it is received. And of course if your answer prompts more questions or a genuine interest, you just may have an opening to share more of what you believe, including the gospel itself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Convictions with compassion<\/h4>\n

My friend went to China and kept his resolve not to drink\u2026until the last day. He said that things had gotten weird with his boss; working side by side for two stressful weeks can do that. At some point the boss had become distant and seemed angry at my friend for some reason. And although he realized there was tension, my friend didn\u2019t know exactly what he had done or how to fix it.<\/span><\/p>\n

At\u00a0the goodbye party with the Chinese team, while everyone was drinking and celebrating, my friend took two beers over to his boss, gave one to him and held up the other one to drink himself. He raised the bottle to cheers and said, \u201cI don\u2019t know exactly what happened between us, but I\u2019m really sorry and I want to make things better.\u201d His boss looked at him, confused, and said, \u201cWait, I thought you weren\u2019t drinking?\u201d My friend, choosing to prioritize the relationship over a self-imposed rule, replied, \u201cThis is worth it.\u201d His boss looked at him, nodded and said, \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Love rightly and loving well<\/h4>\n

I think this demonstrates an even deeper message. Some convictions and truths are non-negotiable, and violating them is sinning. But in grayer areas, we don\u2019t want to lose perspective on what is most important. Our personal convictions help us keep peace inside, but loving people like Jesus did is more important than clinging staunchly to cardboard rules. It’s possible to\u00a0live rightly and<\/em> love others in the process.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Copyright 2022 Ross Boone. All rights reserved.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How can we live out our convictions in ways that prevent misunderstanding?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":28,"featured_media":44404,"menu_order":0,"template":"","categories":[6,14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13537","blog","type-blog","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life-with-others","category-sharing-your-faith"],"yoast_head":"\nHow Not to Sound Judgy - Boundless<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Misunderstandings about our moral choices happen often. 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