{"id":13549,"date":"2024-11-12T01:24:58","date_gmt":"2024-11-12T08:24:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/2c634eb1-9abe-11e8-99ad-ca52c1e5b2af"},"modified":"2024-12-30T13:32:40","modified_gmt":"2024-12-30T20:32:40","slug":"when-you-discover-your-date-isnt-a-christian","status":"publish","type":"blog","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/when-you-discover-your-date-isnt-a-christian\/","title":{"rendered":"When You Discover Your Date Isn’t a Christian"},"content":{"rendered":"

The relationship was going smoothly. He was intelligent, funny and considerate. I had passed him numerous times in the hallways of my university over the past\u00a0three years. He finally\u00a0spoke to me last semester and asked me out.<\/p>\n

Although I had just \u201cofficially\u201d met him the previous week, we had already gone on three dates in five days. Everything appeared to be just fine. Then, I asked the all-important question:<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you a Christian?\u201d<\/p>\n

With a frustrated sigh, he replied, \u201cI knew you were going to ask this question. I’ve been preparing for it.\u201d Pause. \u201cNo, I\u2019m not.\u201d<\/p>\n

Deciding how to respond when you find out\u00a0your date is an unbeliever can be extremely challenging; it was for me. At first, I didn\u2019t know how to reply. I knew that the Bible states not to be “yoked together with unbelievers.<\/a>”\u00a0But I wondered\u00a0whether a few dates could even count as \u201cbeing yoked.\u201d Surely not, I thought. We weren\u2019t even officially dating. This was only friendship, right?<\/p>\n

Yet another question came up: Could I justify investing time, energy and maybe even my heart in a potential romantic relationship that’s\u00a0not biblically grounded? Again, surely not.<\/p>\n

Should I blurt out, \u201cIt was nice knowing you!\u201d and abandon the awkward scene? Surely not.<\/p>\n

How\u00a0should you and I as Christians respond\u00a0when we discover we’re dating a non-Christian? Here\u00a0are three things\u00a0to try:<\/p>\n

Live It Out<\/h4>\n

OK, the\u00a0first way to respond should actually happen\u00a0before the situation arises. Let\u2019s call it a pre-response. As Christians, you and I should live\u00a0according to God\u2019s Word and His direction in all aspects of our lives. Everything we do should point\u00a0others to Christ\u00a0because we shouldn’t “conform to the pattern of this world.<\/a>”\u00a0This\u00a0means we’re not afraid to apply a biblical worldview to everything, whether we’re on campus, at work, or at the coffee shop. We should be fearless in our faith. We should confidently\u00a0say “no” to activities that are compromising, unwise or contrary to Scripture. People \u2013 including potential dates \u2013 will know where we stand if we boldly show character and live our faith for all to see.<\/p>\n

Living it out also means that we should be ready to decline dates. We shouldn’t be endangering\u00a0our hearts just because we feel obligated to be kind. Likewise,\u00a0dating\u00a0a non-Christian (missionary dating<\/a>) in order to witness to him or her is not OK. Missionary dating can be dangerous. A connection will inevitably develop, making it more difficult to break things off down the road. Instead, let\u00a0your date know that your relationship with God is primary in your life, so\u00a0you can’t pursue anything more\u00a0than friendship. This way, expectations will be clear, and neither of your hearts will be unnecessarily compromised.<\/p>\n

Ask Questions<\/h4>\n

That said,\u00a0discovering your date isn’t a Christian (as I did)\u00a0doesn’t mean that you should freak out and sprint to the exit. Instead, use the\u00a0opportunity to ask questions about your\u00a0date’s beliefs. Questions show that we\u00a0care, regardless of our differences.<\/p>\n

The\u00a0questions I asked my date allowed me to demonstrate the\u00a0love of Christ as well as “give the reason for the hope that [I] have.<\/a>”\u00a0My interest in my date’s\u00a0life increased his receptivity toward my own beliefs and\u00a0allowed me\u00a0to share the gospel with\u00a0him. He\u00a0didn\u2019t immediately convert to Christianity; in fact, he didn\u2019t convert at all. But this discussion of differences allowed space for a rich conversation that would’ve never happened if I had just rushed\u00a0away.<\/p>\n

Be Kind, but Set\u00a0Boundaries<\/h4>\n

After that conversation, I struggled to know how to interact with my date moving forward. I realized\u00a0that immediately texting him\u00a025-30\u00a0convicting\u00a0Bible verses wouldn’t be smart. But I also knew that\u00a0blocking his\u00a0number and avoiding him in the hallways wasn’t reasonable,\u00a0either.<\/p>\n

What’s the alternative? Provide the option to keep communication open, but set firm boundaries. Let your date know you’re willing to have conversations about faith and life. However, you don’t want to lead them\u00a0on. Extensive communication or large amounts of one-on-one time is not a good idea. Instead, invite him or her to church or a Bible study or just out hiking\u00a0with your friends. These opportunities can allow a friendship\u00a0to continue without suggesting a romantic\u00a0attachment where there is none.<\/p>\n

Overall, we need to remember to be wise and intentional in our interactions, especially with unbelievers. God might use us as\u00a0witnesses to them, but He’s perfectly capable of changing hearts in His own way.\u00a0At the same time, we can stand up for our convictions while still demonstrating kindness. After all, Christ inside us could be what attracted our dates to us in the first place \u2013 they just didn’t know it.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

EmilyRae Burton is Boundless’ summer intern. She’s from Prattville, Alabama and is studying English and Graphic Design at Auburn University\u00a0\u2014 Montgomery. She loves the outdoors, classic literature, and BBC mysteries.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Copyright 2017 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

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