I recently stumbled onto porn.<\/p>\n
Scrolling through Twitter one night led to seeing a video I wasn\u2019t expecting to find. It had been almost two decades since I\u2019d last encountered porn. In fact, I only remember three prior exposures, all before adulthood. It wasn\u2019t arousing. It was sad.<\/p>\n
Porn\u2019s accessibility and widespread reach deeply grieves my heart. I\u2019m sad for addicted young adults who desire freedom but can\u2019t quit turning toward their \u201cdrug\u201d of choice for a fix. I\u2019m heartbroken for the millions of smartphone-generation children who encounter porn accidentally, awakening to sexuality at far too young an age. I even care about the men and women involved in the porn industry, made in the image of God, who are surrounded by and participating in such depravity\u2026sometimes not by choice.<\/p>\n
Related to pornography are abuse, assault and human trafficking. In this sin-sick, supply-and-demand industry, victims abound. Despite what porn advocates preach, it isn\u2019t safe, harmless and fun. It is evil.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s dismantle a few misconceptions about pornography and infuse truth and grace over repentant users, because hope, forgiveness and healing is readily available.<\/p>\n
There is nothing real about porn. It\u2019s not representative of healthy sexual expression in the slightest. Unlike marital sex, there is no foundation of vulnerability and intimacy, built up over time, day in and day out, with one\u2019s beloved. There is no beauty, no wonder and no true pleasure. It is void of all that is good and holy.<\/p>\n
If your mind has been trained<\/a> by porn, your expectations aren\u2019t realistic. They\u2019re not just skewed or over-the-top; they\u2019re damaging to healthy sexuality.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s get specific.<\/p>\n Men, your future wife will not behave like a porn star in the bedroom, knowledgeable of all the latest tips and tricks. She will not meet your every sexual whim on demand. Her body won\u2019t be airbrushed, perfect, or forever young and healthy. Unlike the fantasy world, sex is not all about you and your pleasure.<\/p>\n Women, sex with your future husband won\u2019t be the perpetual dreamland portrayed in smutty novels and romantic comedies. He won\u2019t meet every emotional need, saying and doing all the right things at the right moments. There is no melt-your-heart script and no perfectly cued music. He\u2019s not your solution, your savior, or the answer to your loneliness.<\/p>\n We need to toss the idea that a manufactured sexual playground, portrayed by actors, is desirable, let alone attainable. In fact, it\u2019s a counterfeit of what God intended for sex when He created a mutually-satisfying bond between a man and woman in marriage.<\/p>\n Despite the misconception that porn use can enhance or benefit a relationship, most of us can recall a friend or acquaintance whose life, marriage and family was sunk because of this addiction. We hear terms like \u201cvirtual infidelity\u201d \u2013 the porn user won\u2019t quit, the spouse feels betrayed, and distance between the couple is established. The marriage breaks down and often leads to divorce.<\/p>\n What about singles? We\u2019ll stop using once we\u2019re sexually active in marriage, right? We\u2019re not cheating on a spouse, so it\u2019s OK, right? Nope<\/a>.<\/p>\n Statistics confirm that porn addicts carry their use into marriage. It\u2019s not as if your wedding day arrives and poof!<\/em>, all of your hang-ups and issues go away. You can\u2019t simply stop patterns of behavior, un-see the images you\u2019ve viewed in the past, or change overnight.<\/p>\n I can even make the case that pornography use is<\/em> cheating\u2026on your future spouse. We all bring baggage into marriage. What will yours be? What will mine be? These are things to consider. Even if we never get married, porn is cheating ourselves from a lifestyle of purity and a clear conscience before God. It can destroy our lives and the health of all relationships \u2013 marital or otherwise.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s consider one additional angle in the lives of singles: Although there are many reasons why young adults today delay marriage, have you considered porn as a factor?<\/p>\n I believe pornography not only destroys<\/em> current relationships, it prevents<\/em> godly Christian marriages from happening in the first place.<\/p>\n Porn kills ambition<\/a> in all facets of life: work, friendship, ministry\u2026 and yes, relationships. It produces guilt, deep shame and isolates its users, both male and female. But there\u2019s a particularly sneaky way that the enemy is at work through pornography use in the lives of Christians. If young men are entangled in porn, they aren\u2019t motivated to pursue marriage; if young women are enslaved, they have little motivation to respond to the interest of godly and worthy pursuers. Instead of investing time and energy in the slow, steady process of dating and building a relationship that leads to marriage and God-honoring sex, porn users take the easy route of self-gratification. It\u2019s self-centered, whereas marriage requires denying oneself. Selfishness always destroys relationships. It may prevent them from forming as well.<\/p>\n There is hope<\/a>. It\u2019s never too late to turn from porn and toward health, healing, freedom and an abundant life in Christ. Flee!<\/em> Get out from behind the computer screen, repent, seek accountability from a mentor or licensed professional counselor, and begin to conquer this\u00a0addiction\u00a0before you enter a serious relationship. Don\u2019t waste precious brain space any longer. There are great resources, including apps and filters<\/a> that block \u201cadult\u201d content, to help you win the battle against pornography.<\/p>\n Each morning, lay aside the sin that entangles and receive fresh mercy. As we submit our lives to God, we can trust the Holy Spirit to be at work, sanctifying us and infusing our lives with power, love and self-control. It’s right there, available to us if we choose to receive it.<\/p>\nPorn destroys (and prevents) relationships.<\/h4>\n
Porn is not beyond forgiveness.<\/h4>\n