{"id":13669,"date":"2024-03-06T01:24:12","date_gmt":"2024-03-06T08:24:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/2c640627-9abe-11e8-99ad-ca52c1e5b2af"},"modified":"2024-03-05T07:44:48","modified_gmt":"2024-03-05T14:44:48","slug":"i-just-want-to-be-happy","status":"publish","type":"blog","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/i-just-want-to-be-happy\/","title":{"rendered":"I Just Want to Be Happy"},"content":{"rendered":"

Living in a culture of \u201chappily ever after\u201d means I feel guilty when I\u2019m sad. I just want to feel good all the time, and I deserve <\/em>to feel good all the time \u2014 at least that\u2019s what the media tells me. Unfortunately, life doesn\u2019t work that way and feelings don\u2019t just do what they\u2019re told.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been reading a book called\u00a0“The Happiness Trap” by Russ Harris that defines some myths people often believe about happiness. One myth is that \u201cto create a better life, we must get rid of negative feelings.\u201d Harris wrote that culture tells us we should eliminate negative feelings and put positive ones in their place. And if you\u2019ve ever been told to count your blessings when you\u2019re sad, you know what he means.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s nothing wrong with considering things you are thankful for during times of sadness, and the Bible reminds us to be thankful: “Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name” (Psalm 100:4<\/a>). But trying to cram a positive emotion into our brains when we\u2019re sad isn\u2019t an effective strategy.<\/p>\n

The Bible suggests thinking about good things \u2014 \u201cWhatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable\u201d (Philippians 4:8<\/a>) \u2014 but it does not <\/em>say to punish ourselves for feeling sad.<\/p>\n

Uncomfortable and sometimes downright horrible feelings are a part of life, and giving myself permission to feel what I feel is a complete relief. If I\u2019m angry and want to yell at God, He can take it. If I\u2019m sad and can\u2019t cheer up, I\u2019m still loved. Books of the Bible are filled with respected people experiencing horrible emotions and bringing them to God \u2014 for example, many of David\u2019s psalms are laments, and Job cries to God about abandonment. If I’m feeling angry or sad, I don’t have to hide it from God, and He knows it anyway.<\/p>\n

Another myth Harris wrote about is that \u201cyou should be able to control what you think and feel.\u201d And that\u2019s partly why it took me so long to give myself permission to feel negative emotions. I spent half my life trying to repress sadness, guilt and frustration. Tears were for the weak, and I wanted to be strong. Even a positive emotion, like romantic attraction, was never <\/em>to be admitted when I was young because there was the risk of being rejected. Plus if I had a crush on a boy who didn\u2019t return my feelings, the ridicule from classmates was too much to bear.<\/p>\n

I want to be in control. I should be able to control my thoughts and feelings; they\u2019re mine, after all. And bad feelings feel awful, so I want to stomp them down. I want to crush them out of existence.<\/p>\n

Harris wrote,<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you\u2019re like most other humans on the planet, you\u2019ve already spent a lot of time and effort trying to have \u2018good\u2019 feelings instead of \u2018bad\u2019 ones, and you\u2019ve probably found that as long as you\u2019re not too distressed, you can, to some degree, pull it off. But you\u2019ve probably also discovered that as your level of distress increases, your ability to control your feelings progressively lessens.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sound familiar? I\u2019ve written about anxiety<\/a> before, which is when I have the least control over my feelings. At first, suppression was my method of choice for dealing with it. But the harder I tried, the worse the anxiety got.<\/p>\n

It took me a while to understand that thoughts and feelings aren\u2019t necessarily an accurate portrayal of my reality. For example, I was anxious when I started seriously dating a wonderful guy. Things were going well, but I panicked. What if I wrecked things? What if it was too good to be true? What if I got hurt? What if I hurt him? I should just end the relationship now to avoid these awful things that might happen, plus, since I\u2019m feeling so distressed now, that must mean something\u2019s wrong with the relationship!<\/p>\n

Harris also wrote,<\/p>\n

\u201cThoughts are merely sounds, words, stories, or bits of language. Thoughts may or may not be true; we don\u2019t automatically believe them. \u2026 Thoughts may or may not be wise; we don\u2019t automatically follow their advice.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Thoughts and emotions are powerful, but I don\u2019t have to act on them, especially when they are illogical and fleeting. Though I want to be happy all the time, that is not this reality. I have discovered it\u2019s possible to experience peace and joy during sadness, and the first step is, while remembering God loves me, to accept my emotions and my feelings.<\/p>\n

Copyright 2018 Allison Barron. All rights reserved.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I just want to be happy all the time, but that’s not reality; life doesn\u2019t work that way. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":28,"featured_media":40249,"menu_order":0,"template":"","categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13669","blog","type-blog","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-personal-growth"],"yoast_head":"\nI Just Want to Be Happy - Boundless<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I just want to feel good all the time, and I deserve to \u2014 at least that\u2019s what the media tells me. 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