{"id":13720,"date":"2025-08-05T01:25:59","date_gmt":"2025-08-05T07:25:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/2c646b04-9abe-11e8-99ad-ca52c1e5b2af"},"modified":"2025-08-05T01:26:13","modified_gmt":"2025-08-05T07:26:13","slug":"setting-up-friends-and-being-set-up-the-dos-and-donts","status":"publish","type":"blog","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/setting-up-friends-and-being-set-up-the-dos-and-donts\/","title":{"rendered":"Setting Up Friends and Being Set Up: The Dos and Don\u2019ts"},"content":{"rendered":"

The idea of being set up on a date used to be objectionable to me. It seemed as if I was lowering my standards because I couldn’t find someone on my own, or as if I wasn’t trusting God to dump a guy on my doorstep.<\/p>\n

So I was uncertain when my best friend, Kyle, told me, \u201cI know someone I think you may really like. Can I set you up on a date?\u201d But after thinking about it, I realized that I trusted Kyle. He knows me well, and he’s a good judge of character.<\/p>\n

And I realized a few other things: Saying no because of pride that I hadn’t found someone on my own wasn’t a good reason. Being set up by a friend was more appealing to me than going out with a stranger I met on a dating app, because my date was recommended by someone I trust. Also, going on a date wasn\u2019t equivalent to a marriage proposal. If I was uninterested, Kyle would accept that and I didn\u2019t have to see the guy again.<\/p>\n

So I said yes. And now I\u2019m happily engaged to the guy Kyle set me up with! (Yes, I\u2019m still a little in shock at this awesomeness.)<\/p>\n

I appreciated how Kyle handled the initial set-up and the attitude he encouraged me to take about it. Here are some suggestions if this is a situation you find yourself in.<\/p>\n

For the Person Who’s Setting Up Friends<\/h4>\n

1. DON’T\u00a0set up two people just because they\u2019re both single.\u00a0<\/strong>My best friend put some serious thought into setting us up. He took into consideration our similar interests, personalities and beliefs, not just that we were both around 30 and single because hey, that\u2019s all we should be asking for this late in the game, right? Wrong \u2014 a compatible relationship is more than just matching age and marital status.<\/p>\n

2. DO ask your friend permission to set her up.\u00a0<\/strong>I appreciate that Kyle asked first<\/em>, and didn\u2019t just invite the two of us over for dinner and pretend like nothing was going on.<\/p>\n

3. DON\u2019T be upset if it doesn\u2019t work out.\u00a0<\/strong>In my case, it did work out. But Kyle wouldn\u2019t have taken it personally if it hadn\u2019t. I didn\u2019t need the extra pressure of \u201cmy best friend will be hurt if this doesn\u2019t work out.\u201d<\/p>\n

4. DO pray about it.\u00a0<\/strong>Being set up doesn\u2019t mean God\u2019s hand isn\u2019t in it. I appreciate that Kyle prayed and thought deeply about the match before setting me up. God can work through other people to make amazing things happen<\/a>.<\/p>\n

For the Person Being Set Up<\/h4>\n

1.\u00a0DO go on a double date<\/a> if you are nervous.\u00a0<\/strong>Who says it has to be just the two of you? My friend and his wife came along on our date; we went to a board game caf\u00e9 and played games together. It relieved the tension because I could get to know my date without the pressure of figuring out how to fill awkward silence \u2014 my friends did it for me! They also left early so we had some time to ourselves at the end of the night. By that point some of my nervousness had abated, and we were able to get to know each other one-on-one. However, if I hadn\u2019t been interested, I could easily have left at the same time my friends did without appearing rude.<\/p>\n

2. DON\u2019T feel like the date has to go well because your friend wants it to.\u00a0<\/strong>It\u2019s just a date. You\u2019re free to feel nervous, but it\u2019s fine if things don\u2019t work out.<\/p>\n

3. DO let your friend know you appreciate he cares.\u00a0<\/strong>Kyle didn\u2019t set me up because he wanted to play matchmaker. He did so because he knew I deeply desired a relationship and wanted to see that happen for me in a joyful, healthy way. Regardless of how the date went, I appreciated his thoughtfulness.<\/p>\n

4. DON\u2019T rely on your friend\u2019s knowledge. Get to know your date for yourself.\u00a0<\/strong>You may trust your friend completely, but at the end of the day, you\u2019re the one going on a second date with this person (or not). It\u2019s up to you to get to know her for yourself.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

If you are looking for a relationship but are struggling with the minefield of online dating, consider approaching your close friends and asking them to think about setting you up<\/a>. But if you do ask, make sure you’re open to it \u2014 you may be surprised by how seriously they take your request. Now, what have you got to lose?<\/p>\n

Copyright 2018 Allison Barron. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you are looking for a relationship but are struggling with online dating, consider asking your friends to set you up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":28,"featured_media":40819,"menu_order":0,"template":"","categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13720","blog","type-blog","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating"],"yoast_head":"\nSetting Up Friends and Being Set Up: The Dos and Don\u2019ts - Boundless<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If you are looking for a relationship but are struggling with online dating, consider asking your friends to set you up.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/setting-up-friends-and-being-set-up-the-dos-and-donts\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Setting Up Friends and Being Set Up: The Dos and Don\u2019ts\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The idea of being set up on a date used to be objectionable to me. 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