{"id":13728,"date":"2024-04-30T01:24:31","date_gmt":"2024-04-30T07:24:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/2c647b05-9abe-11e8-99ad-ca52c1e5b2af"},"modified":"2024-05-01T14:43:44","modified_gmt":"2024-05-01T20:43:44","slug":"5-ways-new-couples-can-love-their-single-friends","status":"publish","type":"blog","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/5-ways-new-couples-can-love-their-single-friends\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Ways New Couples Can Love Their Single Friends"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve spent the majority of my 29 years as a single person. I\u2019ve struggled with the ups and downs and the loneliness associated with being unmarried. I\u2019ve responded to questions of \u201cWhy are you still single?\u201d with nonconfrontational mumbles, despite being annoyed<\/a> at the query and reminder of my relationship status.<\/p>\n

I told myself there were many advantages to being single<\/a> \u2014 and there are: it\u2019s a valid life choice or stage, not a stepping stone to something greater. But it can be a struggle when you desire a partner to face life with, when you wish there was someone who would consider you a priority, someone who would hold you when you\u2019re stressed and would handle financial struggles with you and argue about Team Cap vs. Team Iron Man.<\/p>\n

Now that I\u2019m happily engaged, I am aware of the blissful bubble I\u2019m living in. I know what it looks like from a single person peering in from the outside, because I\u2019ve been that single person. And now I wonder how best I can love the single people in my life. Despite the fact I\u2019ve been in single shoes for most of my life, it\u2019s shockingly different on this end. It’s easy to get lost in the romance, and I need to remind myself that others may be feeling lonely.<\/p>\n

Some lovely single women helped me think through what could help. So if you’re in a new relationship or newly engaged, here’s five ways you can love your single friends. Though I’ll confess, I’ve been failing at a lot of these.<\/p>\n

1. Don\u2019t assume your significant other is automatically invited.<\/h4>\n

You\u2019re still two separate people, and someone may prefer to interact with just you or your partner. In fact, some of your friends may be missing their alone time with you and are uncomfortable about sharing private details of their life in front of a third party. Maybe they just want a girls\u2019 or guys\u2019 night. Maybe your significant other isn\u2019t a good fit for whatever their plans are.<\/p>\n

2. Ask your single friends to hang out with the two of you.<\/h4>\n

On the opposite end of the spectrum, don\u2019t assume your single friends never want to hang out with the two of you! One of my single friends surprised me by asking <\/em>to be the third wheel on a date sometime. She wasn\u2019t getting the chance to chat much with my fianc\u00e9 during larger group hangouts, and she wanted to get to know him better.<\/p>\n

3. Make time for your single friends.<\/h4>\n

I\u2019m definitely struggling with this one, because successfully mashing two people\u2019s schedules together requires a TARDIS. Suddenly, my calendar includes someone else\u2019s timetable, and we have double the friends to see and twice as many events to attend. And now wedding planning on top of it! Finding time for everyone I love, plus the space to breathe, is tricky. But my fianc\u00e9 and I are making a conscious effort not to spend all our free time holed up alone together, as much as we might want to (because let\u2019s face it, we are in the euphoric stage where that\u2019s all we want to do). Continuing to hang out with others, in groups and one-on-one, is healthy for all the relationships involved.<\/p>\n

4. Be sensitive about your friends’ singleness.<\/h4>\n

This doesn\u2019t mean expecting them to shatter like glass every time they see you two holding hands, or showering them with pity. It means asking them how their lives are going (whether that includes dating or not) and what they\u2019re struggling with as singles. It may also mean limiting public displays of affection \u2014 shockingly difficult at the beginning of a relationship even if touch isn\u2019t<\/em> your primary love language \u2014 and reducing inside jokes or private whispers to each other.<\/p>\n

5. Listen.<\/h4>\n

Closely tied to making time for them, actively listening is huge. Maybe this means even taking time to write down some of the things your single friends are struggling with so you remember to pray for them. Your friends know you\u2019re caught up in your new relationship, and your attention to their friendship during this time will probably mean a lot to them.<\/p>\n

\n

Even in the short time I\u2019ve been engaged, it\u2019s easy to forget<\/a> what being single was like or to ignore the pain of others because I\u2019m so happy. But as a Christ-centered community, we are to bear one another’s burdens<\/a> and consider the struggles of those around us. I don\u2019t want to lose that desire because I\u2019m in a joyful place right now. I want to make space for the single people I care about and remind them they are loved, just as others reminded me when I was single.<\/p>\n

Copyright 2018 Allison Barron. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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