If your idea of a fun Friday night is staying home, curling up next to your dog and binge-watching your favorite show, it\u2019s easy to feel doomed with dating.<\/p>\n
Whoever invented the concept of dating wasn\u2019t an introvert.<\/p>\n
The last thing an introvert wants to do after an energy-draining week is exchange small talk with someone he or she hardly knows at a crowded restaurant. Scratch that. The<\/span><\/span> last<\/span><\/span><\/i> thing<\/span><\/span> an<\/span><\/span> introvert wants to<\/span><\/span> do<\/span><\/span> on<\/span><\/span> Friday night<\/span><\/span> is<\/span><\/span> talk on<\/span><\/span> the<\/span><\/span> phone for<\/span><\/span> hours on<\/span><\/span> end with<\/span><\/span> a<\/span><\/span> stranger. <\/span>But<\/span><\/span> going<\/span><\/span> out<\/span><\/span> on<\/span><\/span> a<\/span><\/span> first<\/span><\/span> date is<\/span><\/span> a<\/span><\/span> close second.<\/span><\/p>\n Don\u2019t get me wrong. Introverts want<\/span><\/span> to<\/span><\/span> have<\/span><\/span> fun just<\/span><\/span> as<\/span><\/span> much<\/span><\/span> as<\/span><\/span> the<\/span><\/span> next person. <\/span>But it\u2019s hard for us to have fun with people we don\u2019t know or feel comfortable around. We don\u2019t use fun activities to get to know people. The only thing that makes activities fun is experiencing and sharing them with people we enjoy.<\/p>\n Today\u2019s dating scene is far more introvert-friendly thanks to the internet. Online dating gives introverts a slight advantage they didn\u2019t have before. You can get to know someone well before the first date now \u2014 avoiding the small talk, confusing body language, and awkward silence.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re an introvert and you doubt that online dating can help you start a romantic relationship, here\u2019s a crazy story just for you.<\/p>\n I once met a girl at a church youth retreat. True story.<\/p>\n Like every introvert at an event or party, I was standing by myself near an exit \u2014 ready to make a run for it at a moment\u2019s notice. People<\/span><\/span> laughing and<\/span><\/span> having a<\/span><\/span> good<\/span><\/span> time<\/span><\/span> were<\/span><\/span> all<\/span><\/span> around<\/span><\/span> me. <\/span>I wanted to join in, but I needed an insider to help me out.<\/p>\n That\u2019s when a kind, extroverted girl came over, introduced herself and invited me to join the party.<\/p>\n Her outgoing, bubbly personality was both welcoming and intimidating.\u00a0 <\/span>She noticed me, which was reassuring, but she wanted me to break out of my shell, something I didn\u2019t know how to do in that environment.<\/p>\n I was out of my element \u2014 like a fish out of water. I made a terrible first impression. It looked like I was avoiding expressing myself and having fun because I was quiet and reserved.<\/p>\n When she left for college a few days later, I befriended her on Facebook. We exchanged messages and my true colors surfaced. Despite making a terrible first impression in person, she got a glimpse at my real personality thanks to the internet.<\/p>\n After a year and a half of messaging each other back and forth online, I mustered up the courage to ask her out. But before I asked her out, I came up with the brilliant idea of asking her dad if I could pursue a relationship with her. That<\/span><\/span> seemed<\/span><\/span> like<\/span><\/span> the<\/span><\/span> right<\/span><\/span> way<\/span><\/span> to<\/span><\/span> go<\/span><\/span> about<\/span><\/span> it at<\/span><\/span> the<\/span><\/span> time<\/span><\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n My plan backfired when her dad spilled the beans and told her all about my romantic interest in her. Yeah, it was bad. It was cringe worthy. It would<\/span><\/span> take<\/span><\/span> a<\/span><\/span> miracle before<\/span><\/span> I stood a<\/span><\/span> chance with<\/span><\/span> this<\/span><\/span> girl after<\/span><\/span> all<\/span><\/span> that<\/span><\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n She saw<\/span><\/span> me as<\/span><\/span> just<\/span><\/span> a<\/span><\/span> friend \u2014 a<\/span><\/span> very<\/span><\/span> dangerous side\u00a0<\/span><\/span>effect of<\/span><\/span> being<\/span><\/span> pen pals for<\/span><\/span> so<\/span><\/span> long<\/span><\/span>. <\/span>I had my work cut out for me.<\/p>\n She was in Maine at the time visiting her roommate\u2019s family, and if she had spent spring break anywhere else that year, we wouldn\u2019t be married today. (That\u2019s right, this is the story about how I met my wife.) Because she didn\u2019t have a decent phone signal in rural Maine, my future wife and I were forced to use instant messaging and email to sort things out.<\/p>\n By using my introverted secret weapon (writing), I shared my feelings for her via email. I could express myself without reservation and clarify my intentions \u2014 laying it all out on the table. I was open, honest and transparent. That<\/span><\/span>‘s<\/span><\/span> something<\/span><\/span> I would<\/span><\/span> have<\/span><\/span> struggled with<\/span><\/span> if<\/span><\/span> we had<\/span><\/span> this<\/span><\/span> discussion in<\/span><\/span> person or<\/span><\/span> over<\/span><\/span> the<\/span><\/span> phone.<\/span><\/p>\n She was open and honest, too. She thought a successful relationship between the two of us was a long shot. I took that to mean I had a shot.<\/p>\n When my wife got back to college a few days later, she experienced \u201cI just agreed to date an introvert who lives halfway across the country\u201d remorse. Long-distance dating is hard to do when you\u2019ve been dating for a while. It\u2019s especially difficult when your relationship starts long distance.<\/p>\n We both agreed not to talk on the phone until she came back home for the summer. It wouldn\u2019t do either of us any good. I couldn\u2019t hold a conversation on the phone if my life depended on it, and she\u2019d have to suffer through a lot of awkward silence.<\/p>\n Instead, we wrote each other back and forth online.<\/p>\n When she got home that summer, we never wanted to go back to email, text and instant messaging again. But<\/span><\/span> there<\/span><\/span>\u2019s something<\/span><\/span> to<\/span><\/span> be<\/span><\/span> said<\/span><\/span> about<\/span><\/span> the<\/span><\/span> opportunity we had<\/span><\/span> to<\/span><\/span> get<\/span><\/span> to<\/span><\/span> know<\/span><\/span> each<\/span><\/span> other<\/span><\/span> online before<\/span><\/span> we went<\/span><\/span> on<\/span><\/span> our first<\/span><\/span> real date.<\/span><\/p>\n Our first date was special. I didn\u2019t feel like I had to impress her and she didn\u2019t probe me with countless small-talk questions. Instead, we were both relaxed, and I enjoyed spending quality time with my new best friend. It was far more meaningful, memorable and enjoyable.<\/p>\n As an introvert, I know how difficult it can be to start a relationship from scratch by asking someone out on a date. Introverts crave deep relational connection before they open up, and first dates can be shallow and nerve-racking.<\/p>\n So if you\u2019re an introvert and you\u2019ve given up on going out on dates,\u00a0 <\/span>you might give online dating a try. Get<\/span><\/span> to<\/span><\/span> know<\/span><\/span> someone before<\/span><\/span> your first<\/span><\/span> date. <\/span>Trust me, it\u2019s not as backwards as it sounds.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Whoever invented dating wasn\u2019t an introvert. But today\u2019s dating scene is far more introvert friendly thanks to the internet.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":28,"featured_media":18569,"menu_order":0,"template":"","categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13789","blog","type-blog","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating"],"yoast_head":"\nIntrovert + Party = Terrible First Impression<\/h2>\n
Thank God for No Phone Signal in Maine<\/h2>\n
Be Yourself, Especially Your Introverted Self<\/h2>\n