{"id":23585,"date":"2022-10-05T05:00:38","date_gmt":"2022-10-05T11:00:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/?post_type=blog&p=23585"},"modified":"2025-11-05T15:53:22","modified_gmt":"2025-11-05T22:53:22","slug":"4-steps-to-overcome-the-pain-of-rejection","status":"publish","type":"blog","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/4-steps-to-overcome-the-pain-of-rejection\/","title":{"rendered":"4 Steps to Reduce the Pain of Rejection"},"content":{"rendered":"

As usual I drove to church alone. But this Sunday I was visiting a friend\u2019s church. When I walked in, I saw a girl near my age standing in the lobby.<\/p>\n

I thought, I bet she\u2019s meeting a friend as well, but it\u2019s a probably her boyfriend. Girls that pretty aren\u2019t single<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t meet her that day, but I eventually I did at another social gathering. We shared a perfect, short conversation that left me wanting more. Leaving that night, I had one thing on my mind \u2014 getting to know this girl.<\/p>\n

I found her on social media, I asked for her number, and I asked her if she wanted to play Frisbee golf with some friends. She politely refused, explaining she had plans to hang out with a friend later that night.<\/p>\n

I soon tried again, inviting her to something else. Again, a polite refusal.<\/p>\n

I started feeling hopeless.<\/p>\n

The very next day, she sent the text \u2014 the \u201cjust friends\u201d text. She thanked me for the invites and for being straightforward, then politely said she wasn\u2019t interested in pursuing anything with me other than a friendship.<\/p>\n

Talk about rejection, regardless of the respect and kindness.<\/p>\n

What had I done wrong? Did I move too fast?<\/em> Did I cross a line in asking for her number? Should I have waited for another in-person meeting? Did she think I was creepy? Was I not good enough or is there just someone else in her life? <\/em><\/p>\n

I questioned every detail, which only led to more pain. But I\u2019ve learned there are better ways to deal with rejection. Here are four steps to reduce the pain that rejection brings.<\/p>\n

1. Tell someone<\/h4>\n

When you\u2019re in the midst of the \u201cwhat happened\u201d and “what if” thoughts, wondering where you went wrong, sit down with someone close to you and explain all the details. Not just your side, but the story in its entirety. Our personal perspective often has a victim mentality, so bringing in an outside perspective can help provide clarity and new insight.<\/p>\n

2. Evaluate and learn<\/h4>\n

The past is not a pretty place to live. After laying it out in front of a friend, it\u2019s time to learn from the past. Sometimes failure is the best teacher. Discuss what went right and what went wrong. If there was something that you did do poorly, learn from it and act differently next time. But also keep in mind that it might be that the other person just wasn\u2019t interested.<\/p>\n

3. Battle Satan\u2019s lies<\/h4>\n

Being rejected can put you flat on your back, and Satan will use any moment of weakness to get us to agree with his lies. He whispers, \u201cYou aren\u2019t good enough \u2014 how could anyone love you? You will never find love.\u201d<\/p>\n

Battle these lies with God\u2019s truth. Psalm 86:15<\/a> states that God abounds in steadfast love and faithfulness. Did you read that? Steadfast. Firm, unwavering and constant. Even in the midst of rejection, you are loved. (Read more about this in \u201cRejection Doesn\u2019t Mean You\u2019re Unlovable<\/a>.\u201d) Your worth doesn\u2019t hinge on whether or not a certain someone sees a future with you, it comes from the One who created you.<\/p>\n

4. Move on<\/h4>\n

This is the hardest part. Often, whether reciprocated or not, infatuation sets in and wrecks everything. Infatuation can leave us dreaming of metal rings, last name changes and future houses. When that wave crashes, you must surround yourself with good friends who will lift you back to your feet through encouragement. Don\u2019t isolate yourself \u2014 it\u2019ll only leave you alone with your thoughts of self-doubt. (Read more about this in \u201cYou\u2019re Not Alone Because We\u2019re All Hurting Inside<\/a>.\u201d) Remember that life goes on and we serve a sovereign God, so trust Him. Not if, not when \u2014 but period.<\/p>\n

\n

Being rejected by that girl hurt. But it made me value the people I do have in my life and God, who will never leave me.<\/p>\n

My friends and family, who directly saw the impact this rejection had on me, were the first ones to reassure me of my worth and lift me up.<\/p>\n

Softly in the back of my mind, I hear my mother\u2019s voice singing:<\/p>\n

Fear not, for I am with you;
\nbe not dismayed, for I am your God;
\nI will strengthen you, I will help you,
\nI will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

God is with us and holds us in His hand.<\/p>\n

How do you handle rejection? What helps reduce the pain?<\/em><\/p>\n

Copyright 2018 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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