{"id":23838,"date":"2018-10-10T04:04:47","date_gmt":"2018-10-10T10:04:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/?post_type=blog&p=23838"},"modified":"2024-05-14T10:32:48","modified_gmt":"2024-05-14T16:32:48","slug":"i-dont-want-to-be-vulnerable","status":"publish","type":"blog","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/i-dont-want-to-be-vulnerable\/","title":{"rendered":"I Don\u2019t Want to Be Vulnerable"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ll never forget the first time I met with some people I barely knew to plan a ministry project.<\/p>\n

I was used to attending Sunday school and small groups, but those were generally limited to questions about how a Bible passage might be applied or where to find a certain verse. This meeting would be different.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s go around the room\u201d \u2014 someone said, and I was ready for something easy like sharing prayer requests or get-to-know-you questions \u2014 \u201cand let\u2019s each take a turn talking about what God has been teaching you lately.\u201d<\/p>\n

My heart beat a little faster. I barely knew these people, and this was a personal question! Doesn\u2019t this violate some kind of cardinal rule of group politics?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not just for the sugar<\/h4>\n

I recently heard a speaker talk about moving into a new neighborhood \u2014 where she knew no one \u2014 and going to a neighbor\u2019s house to ask to borrow some sugar. \u201cI didn\u2019t need the sugar,\u201d she said. She just wanted to meet the neighbors. There was something about admitting a need and asking for help that kick-started a neighborly relationship.<\/p>\n

As Christians, we are more than neighbors; we are brothers and sisters. So, shouldn\u2019t we be more open about our needs and struggles?<\/p>\n

That\u2019s what I used to think vulnerability was \u2014 openness. But vulnerability is more than just telling secrets. Technically, to be vulnerable is to be \u201csusceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm\u201d (Oxford Dictionaries<\/a>).<\/p>\n

This is why we fear sharing our hearts. What if admitting my need or struggle results in greater embarrassment? What if the people I reach out to refuse to help? Or act shocked or uninterested?<\/p>\n

What if they\u2019re out of the proverbial sugar, too? Or worse \u2014 what if they\u2019re some kind of perfect health nut who never eats sugar? What will they think of me then?<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to be vulnerable because I don\u2019t want to get hurt.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t shut that door<\/h4>\n

So why do it? Why mess with the mess and risk the hurt? Let\u2019s just hide our needs deep inside and keep the doors to our dirty closets tightly shut. That\u2019s what closets are for, anyway. Hiding things.<\/p>\n

But our hearts hide more than last week\u2019s dirty laundry. We hide worries, rejection, the hurt of unexpected changes, past griefs and disappointments. And hiding from vulnerability won\u2019t keep us from the hurt because we\u2019re already hurting.<\/p>\n

Our brothers and sisters in Christ can help heal our hurt. It might seem easier \u2014 and more spiritual \u2014 to say that all we need to heal our hurts is Jesus, and of course we need Him. But to use this as an excuse to avoid vulnerability is to use Jesus as some kind of magic potion while avoiding the tools for healing He gave us: our brothers and sisters.<\/p>\n

The New Testament is peppered with encouragement to spend time with other Christians, to share our possessions with one another, to confess our sins to one another, and to love one another like Jesus loves us. The \u201cone anothers\u201d of Christianity far outweigh the \u201cby yourselves.\u201d<\/p>\n

We find healing together.<\/p>\n

Hold that thought<\/h4>\n

Of course, there are times when we should not be vulnerable.<\/p>\n

The people we choose to share our hurts and needs with must be trustworthy, and while they might gently push us to share more than we want, they shouldn\u2019t force us. Our secrets and innermost thoughts aren\u2019t cheap: they shouldn\u2019t be shared with the general public or in casual conversation.<\/p>\n

Some secrets are meant to be secret from some. Most secrets need to be secret from somebody. Before sharing a deeper part of yourself with someone, ask these questions:<\/p>\n