{"id":24772,"date":"2023-12-01T04:44:30","date_gmt":"2023-12-01T11:44:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/?p=24772"},"modified":"2024-12-30T13:24:51","modified_gmt":"2024-12-30T20:24:51","slug":"avoiding-christmas-comparisons","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/adulthood\/avoiding-christmas-comparisons\/","title":{"rendered":"Avoiding Christmas Comparisons"},"content":{"rendered":"

Click here to listen to this article.<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cHave yourself a merry little Christmas,\u201d Judy Garland croons from the Bluetooth speaker perched on my family\u2019s end table. The bittersweet classic is a Christmas favorite of mine. The song became famous in the 1944 musical \u201cMeet Me in St. Louis\u201d when, near the end, Garland\u2019s character, Esther, encourages her little sister to have joy despite their family\u2019s troubles.<\/p>\n

As singles (especially at Christmas), many of us can use a dose of Esther\u2019s advice.<\/p>\n

\u201cJoy to the World\u201d<\/h4>\n

Christians know the meaning of Christmas. We sing about the baby away in a manger. We preach that Christ our savior is born. We sing again that glorious song of old that came upon a midnight clear. But knowing and living within the story are two different things.<\/p>\n

As the streetlights and stoplights blink bright red and green and the shoppers rush home with their treasures, so many of us get lost in all this bustle. It can feel like consumerism has hijacked the holidays. All the while Hollywood and Hallmark drench us in the romantic side of the season, until we can\u2019t help belting out with Mariah Carey, \u201cSanta won\u2019t you bring me the one I really need? Won\u2019t you please bring my baby to me?\u201d As singles, we could swap \u201cSanta\u201d with \u201cGod\u201d and find Carey\u2019s song too often becomes our Christmas prayer \u2014 all we want for Christmas is a relationship.<\/p>\n

Nostalgia reigns during the holidays, and we reminisce with loved ones about the Christmases we used to know. In the midst of remembering, those things that have not changed can feel particularly poignant. We see our friends falling in love and getting married, many starting families of their own. For those of us facing yet another Christmas alone, it can feel like time is going forward for everyone else. The holidays can be equally painful for those who are single again, whether through the death of a spouse or the end of marriage. With so many distractions and emotions, how do we find our way back to the hallowed manger ground and experience that hope-drenched joy to the world?<\/p>\n

For those willing to look, the answer might be found in Advent, the season of now-and-not-yet.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome Thou Long Expected Jesus\u201d<\/h4>\n

In the traditional Christian calendar, Advent begins the fourth Sunday before Christmas and lasts through Christmas Eve.<\/p>\n

Historically Advent is a time of repentance as we prepare ourselves for that future day when Christ comes again. We grieve the brokenness of the world and look forward to the ending of tears and sorrow. In the reflective nature of Advent, singles can find particular comfort. Unwanted singleness is part of the global brokenness; God himself said: \u201cIt is not good that the man should be alone.\u201d (Genesis 2:18) Even as we grieve the wrongs of the world, we can remember that Christ has come and will come again to restore all things. That hope can help us rediscover the joy of Christmas as we celebrate Christ\u2019s first coming and the promise of His return.<\/p>\n

Yet as we watch our friends planning Christmas weddings or coming up with yet another Elf on the Shelf prank for their children, it can be tempting to lament yet another blue, blue single Christmas. Elisabeth Elliot wrote famously in \u201cPassion and Purity,\u201d \u201cRefuse self-pity. Refuse it absolutely. It is a deadly thing with power to destroy you.\u201d As a woman who was widowed twice and spent much of her adult life alone, Elliot knew the temptation to wallow at times. Her advice is direct: \u201cTurn your thoughts to Christ who has already carried your griefs and sorrows.\u201d<\/p>\n

Christmas is the perfect time to reorient our focus. So as the holidays began looming once again, I polled some single friends for tips to avoid the comparison trap this Christmas.<\/p>\n

Maintain focus.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Select an Advent<\/a> or Christmas devotional to be part of your daily spiritual practice. My friend Brandon recommends this tradition. \u201cI go through one a year, and they keep me contemplative and focused on Christ\u2019s advent and the sacredness of the season.\u201d Many devotional options are available online, from free downloadable resources such as \u201cGood News of Great Joy<\/a>\u201d by John Piper to books such as \u201cGod Is in the Manger<\/a>,\u201d which features the writings of Dietrich Bonhoeffer.<\/p>\n

Give thanks.<\/strong><\/p>\n

During this season consider keeping a gratitude journal like the one Ann Voskamp describes here<\/a>; write down the blessings all around you. Or make a list of people who have blessed you this year and send thank-you cards to them. As we open our eyes to the daily gifts \u2014 most particularly the gift of Christ \u2014 we will begin to experience the joy that is ours through Him. In \u201cOne Thousand Gifts\u201d Voskamp wrote, \u201cGod asks me to give thanks in all things, because he knows that the feeling<\/em> of joy begins in the action<\/em> of thanksgiving.\u201d<\/p>\n

Unplug.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Though becoming clich\u00e9, this advice is true \u2014 unplugging fosters contentment with what you have. Instagram and Facebook can turn into a merriment contest as couples and families show off all they are doing to make the holidays bright. The same principle applies to movies and music. If you are feeling especially lonely, choose entertainment that focuses on the real meaning of Christmas instead of yet another holiday love story.<\/p>\n

Be a light.<\/strong><\/p>\n

One of the most prominent themes of Advent is light overcoming the darkness. In \u201cLet Me Be a Woman\u201d Elisabeth Elliot wrote about singles \u201cwhose lives were rich and fruitful because they understood a paradoxical spiritual principle: \u2018If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday.\u2019\u201d What better way to commemorate Advent than to participate in the light that Christ brings into the world?<\/p>\n

My friend Candace aptly said, \u201cLooking for opportunities to help others and\/or share the gospel during this opportune time of the year can refocus our attention away from ourselves.\u201d You may not have children of your own to shop for, but you could shop for a needy child in your community through programs like Angel Tree<\/a>. Instead of dwelling on your own loneliness, reach out to others in your community who might need some Christmas cheer, such as those in skilled care facilities or older singles. (Miriam Neff wrote<\/a>, \u201cLoneliness and solitude are not descriptive enough of the space that becomes the cocoon of the widow.\u201d)<\/p>\n

Start new traditions.<\/strong><\/p>\n

While you may love nostalgia, starting your own traditions can help you find your own place in the season. Why not host an ugly sweater party or Christmas movie trivia night as a way to bring light to some others who are lonely? Buy several boxes of graham crackers and have a mock gingerbread house-decorating contest. My friend Kristen has been making new traditions, including attending local parades and concerts, as well as throwing a Christmas dinner. For a more solo activity, whip up some holiday treats, put them in festive tubs, and hand-deliver them. (This fudge<\/a> is an easy and delicious place to start.)<\/p>\n

Set boundaries.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Going home (or staying home) for the holidays can be a challenge. With people or situations that leave you feeling left out, setting boundaries can help. Kristen said, \u201cI ensure time alone to pray and recharge; it is vital as an introvert.\u201d She also books her own hotel room when she visits family, which she said has \u201cremoved the reminder of not fitting in the traditional mold of a single in her late 30s, as I am not relegated to an air mattress or hard futon.\u201d While setting boundaries can be difficult, Kristen said, \u201cIf I am not focused on feeling like a square peg in the midst of round holes, I am able to shift focus onto the true reason for us all coming together: celebrating the birth of Christ.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHave Yourself a Merry Little Christmas\u201d<\/h4>\n

Elliot writes, \u201cAccept your loneliness. It is one stage, and only one stage, on a journey that brings you to God. It will not always last.\u201d The pangs of loneliness are real, but they are not eternal. We have the same hope in Christ as all believers. Christ has come, and Christ will come again for eternity. So, even as a single, you can have yourself a merry little Christmas now<\/em>. Don\u2019t wait.<\/p>\n

Copyright 2018 Candice Gage. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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