{"id":25552,"date":"2026-01-12T01:26:33","date_gmt":"2026-01-12T08:26:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/?p=25552"},"modified":"2026-01-12T01:32:04","modified_gmt":"2026-01-12T08:32:04","slug":"loving-my-frenemy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/relationships\/loving-my-frenemy\/","title":{"rendered":"Loving My Frenemy"},"content":{"rendered":"

When I was in 10th grade, I met a girl named Rachel at youth group, and we quickly became friends. Her vivacious personality and sense of humor complemented my quiet, reserved demeanor. Our friendship started fast, but a few months later, it fizzled in epic fashion.<\/p>\n

All of a sudden, Rachel no longer wanted to spend time together, and when we did meet, she would flaunt her relationships with other friends. Not only weren\u2019t we friends anymore, but we became adversaries. And no matter how much I tried to turn things around, I kept getting wounded. I had an enemy<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Modern-day enemies<\/h4>\n

I thought I left that kind of drama behind in high school, but that friendship pattern has repeated throughout my life. In fact, it makes me a little less trusting when starting new friendships and a little more sensitive to rejection. Sometimes, feeling like someone is my enemy may be all in my head. But other times, the evidence says otherwise.<\/p>\n

The Bible talks a lot about enemies. King David discusses them at length in the Psalms. Psalm 109:2-5 says:<\/p>\n

\u201cFor wicked and deceitful mouths are opened against me, speaking against me with lying tongues. They encircle me with words of hate, and attack me without cause. In return for my love they accuse me, but I give myself to prayer. So they reward me evil for good, and hatred for my love.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Oh, how I have related to David\u2019s words. As much as my people-pleasing soul wishes everyone liked me, I know this is not always the case. Feeling disliked or excluded may seem like a first world problem. After all, David had real enemies, like a crazy demon-possessed king hunting him and warring nations out to kill him.<\/p>\n

But I have enemies too; they just look different. As a woman living in the 21st century, my enemies oppose subtly. Their warfare is psychological, not physical. Yet, I don\u2019t think all of these passages about enemies would be included in the Bible if it wasn\u2019t a real problem for us. Most of us can probably think of at least one person opposing us or not looking out for our best interests. These \u201cenemies\u201d may be coworkers, family members or even former friends.<\/p>\n

Frenemy in the camp<\/h4>\n

The most common type of enemy I\u2019ve encountered is a \u201cfrenemy,\u201d like my teenage friend from high school. The dictionary describes a frenemy as \u201ca person with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry.\u201d This kind of enemy can make you feel terrible about yourself while acting like nothing is wrong.<\/p>\n

Few of us may have an all-out nemesis, but we all experience opposition. Our enemies may be motivated by a sense of competition, wanting to get ahead \u2014 or even hatred.<\/p>\n

Even Jesus, the perfect Savior, had enemies. In John 15:18-19 he said to His disciples,<\/p>\n

\u201cIf the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Believers can expect hatred from those who don\u2019t know Christ. And Jesus\u2019 command to love your enemies<\/a> very clearly applies to these circumstances.<\/p>\n

But what about dissension within the body of Christ? Christians aren\u2019t meant to be enemies; unity is the goal. But that doesn\u2019t mean we can\u2019t become adversarial. This happens when we choose to compete with each other instead of work together or when we fail to mend disagreements.<\/p>\n

But 1 Peter 1:22 tells us there is a higher standard when it comes to fellow believers: \u201cHaving purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart.\u201d<\/p>\n

As I\u2019ve looked to Scripture to discover what it has to say about my enemies, I see a consistent theology of faithful love. In Luke 6:27-29, Jesus says:<\/p>\n

\u201cBut I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

We are called to generously love our enemies. The believers of Jesus\u2019 time faced serious foes \u2014 those who wanted to silence them and take their lives for following Christ. Today, Christians in many countries around the world still encounter enemies that make my adversaries look like pals. But regardless of the degree of conflict, Scripture is clear: you must love them and do good to them.<\/p>\n

Loving my enemy<\/h4>\n

As I\u2019ve considered how to love my enemies (and frenemies), I\u2019ve found three practical ways in Scripture.<\/p>\n

Pray for them.<\/strong> In Matthew 5:43-45, Jesus presented a scandalous idea for responding to enemies when He said,<\/p>\n

\u201cYou have heard that it was said, \u2018You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.\u2019 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Not long ago, I was struggling with someone who treated me rudely, so I began praying for her every day. I asked God to help her through struggles she may be experiencing and that He would bless her life. As I did this, I found my own heart changing. I was no longer focused on the ways she\u2019d wounded me; I felt compassion toward her and the hard things going on in her life. My shift in mindset made our interactions less strained because I genuinely cared.<\/p>\n

Do what is right.<\/strong> Feeling mistreated by someone can bring out the worst in me. I want to stoop to their level and put them in their place. But I am called to be godly no matter how others treat me. And the Bible speaks of a benefit for when I do this. \u201cWhen a man\u2019s ways please the Lord, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him\u201d (Proverbs 16:7). For me, this means choosing to include when I feel excluded. It means showing kindness when I don\u2019t feel kindness in return. It means asking God to bear the fruit of His Spirit in me \u2014 love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control \u2014 so that He can use me, even in the lives of my enemies and frenemies. And as I obey Him, I give my enemies less ammunition against me.<\/p>\n

Love sacrificially.<\/strong> When I feel hurt by someone, often my first thoughts are to retaliate or withdraw. But Scripture talks of a different way: \u201cIf your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink\u201d (Proverbs 25:21). We are called to serve and care for our enemies. Instead of giving them what they deserve, we are to go out of our way to show them kindness.<\/p>\n

Following Christ\u2019s Example<\/h4>\n

I recently heard a story about a man from the Congo named Samuel* whose entire family \u2014 parents, wife and children \u2014 was massacred by Hutu militia in 2007. He walked four days to reach a refugee camp, where he eventually planted a church to spread the gospel in that place. Two years later, he was walking through camp and recognized a new arrival as the militia commander who had killed his family.<\/p>\n

Samuel introduced himself and invited the man to his house for a meal. Then he invited him to stay at his house for the night. The man stayed in his house for three years. Through Samuel\u2019s life, the man saw the gospel and experienced the reality of forgiveness. And after three years, he became a Christian.<\/p>\n

Today Samuel and his former enemy serve Jesus together as pastors of the church Samuel planted. Samuel says, \u201cBy God\u2019s grace, I welcomed him to my house. Follow Jesus. Be peacemakers. Walk with your enemies, pray for them, and follow Jesus!\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s what it really comes down to \u2014 following Jesus. Treating my enemies and frenemies the way He instructs me to won\u2019t be easy, but it will be right. And as I love and pray for those who oppose me, I will be living like Jesus and might even turn some enemies into friends.<\/p>\n

*Samuel is not his real name<\/p>\n

Copyright 2019 Suzanne Hadley Gosselin. All rights reserved.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As believers, we are called to generously love our enemies \u2014 even those who disguise themselves as friends.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":70,"featured_media":40163,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-25552","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life-with-others","category-relationships"],"yoast_head":"\nLoving My Frenemy - Boundless<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"As believers, we are called to generously love our enemies \u2014 even those who disguise themselves as friends (i.e. frenemies)\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/relationships\/loving-my-frenemy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Loving My Frenemy\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"As believers, we are called to generously love our enemies \u2014 even those who disguise themselves as friends.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/relationships\/loving-my-frenemy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Boundless\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/boundless.org\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-01-12T08:26:33+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-01-12T08:32:04+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/loving-my-frenemy-65affe9e286a0.webp\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1500\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1000\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/webp\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"James Clapper\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"Loving My Frenemy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:description\" content=\"As believers, we are called to generously love our enemies \u2014 even those who disguise themselves as friends.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/riccardo-lugermad-57082-unsplash-1-e1554492259275.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"James Clapper\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/relationships\/loving-my-frenemy\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/relationships\/loving-my-frenemy\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"James Clapper\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#\/schema\/person\/fbc81930911fa40e32d938a251d32ec2\"},\"headline\":\"Loving My Frenemy\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-01-12T08:26:33+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-01-12T08:32:04+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/relationships\/loving-my-frenemy\/\"},\"wordCount\":1434,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/relationships\/loving-my-frenemy\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/loving-my-frenemy-65affe9e286a0.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Life With Others\",\"Relationships\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/relationships\/loving-my-frenemy\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/relationships\/loving-my-frenemy\/\",\"name\":\"Loving My Frenemy - 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