{"id":26805,"date":"2023-07-28T04:44:29","date_gmt":"2023-07-28T10:44:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/?p=26805"},"modified":"2024-04-16T08:59:02","modified_gmt":"2024-04-16T14:59:02","slug":"i-want-honest-feedback-but-not-really","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/adulthood\/i-want-honest-feedback-but-not-really\/","title":{"rendered":"I Want Honest Feedback \u2014 But Not Really"},"content":{"rendered":"

A few weeks ago a friend was venting at me about a difficult decision she had to make. She asked me to pray for her, so I did.<\/p>\n

But I also weighed in on what she said.<\/p>\n

I wasn’t weird or mean about it. On the one hand, I totally felt for her. Her situation was a tough one with no easy solution, and I said as much. But I also gave her a couple things to think about. It quickly became apparent that she wasn’t interested in my opinion. She had already made up her mind. She was going to do what she wanted to do, and was asking God (and maybe me) to put a stamp of approval on her decision.<\/p>\n

When I didn’t, she brushed me off and changed the subject.<\/p>\n

Tell me what I want to hear<\/h4>\n

Whether in relationships, on the job, at church or wherever, it’s considered mature and forward-thinking to ask for feedback. Experts say we’re supposed to ask for it frequently. Proactively. Boldly.<\/p>\n

But I have no idea who’s actually doing it, because it’s sure not me or my friends. Conversations like the one above are pretty rare for me. Most of the time, I just don’t have the energy or willingness to go there (you can see why), so I cop out.\u00a0Instead, I join the pack in doing what amounts to a combination of venting, listening, affirming, tongue-clucking, blame-shifting, ignoring, coddling and enabling.<\/p>\n

When it comes to affirming the idea<\/em> of accountability, iron sharpening iron<\/a>, personal growth, feedback or (especially) confrontation and rebuke, we’re all for it \u2014 and we have the small groups and accountability partners to prove it. When it comes to actually practicing<\/em> it, though \u2014 not so much. In this area, we’re equal-opportunity: We’re equally opposed to giving and receiving what needs to be said.<\/p>\n

The why<\/em> here is pretty obvious: Saying and hearing hard things is, well, hard. We don’t want to offend. We don’t want to jeopardize friendships. We don’t want to discover that we have blind spots or faults that need serious attention. Worse, we don’t want to hear that everyone else already sees them and it’s finally (sigh) time to do something about them.<\/p>\n

But can we all agree that the alternative is infinitely worse?<\/p>\n