Elisabeth, the Duchess of Brabant, happens to share my name. But that\u2019s where the similarities end. A real-life princess and heir to the Belgian throne, she\u2019s poised and stylish, articulate, multi-lingual, lovely \u2014 and she just turned 18.<\/p>\n
In contrast, I was an awkward teenager: baby-faced and skinny, with oversized clothes and untamed hair. And I was shy. So shy and introspective that I frequently walked head-down, immersed in the world of my mind.<\/p>\n
At home, I knew I was loved. I was slowly blossoming at school. But it only took summer camp every year to leave the lasting impression: I was without question not<\/em> one of the cool kids. I was, perhaps, invisible.<\/p>\n But one day at camp, a counselor startled me out of my own little world.<\/p>\n \u201cHi!\u201d he said as he passed. And he used my name.<\/p>\n It was the first of several times he would greet me, and though the gesture was small, the implications are still unfurling today.<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n A couple times a month, there\u2019s a knock on my door, and two preteen girls bounce into my apartment. For 90 minutes, we chatter and sip tea, bake, sing, play hide-and-seek or dress-up, color or paint pictures. Though this is part of my ministry to the local church, I\u2019ve decided not to give any Sunday-school style lessons. Instead, I model what my camp counselor modeled to me: You are seen. You matter. You are welcome here. <\/em><\/p>\n The impact of that simple greeting so long ago helped transform how I view my own influence today: What if others feel invisible as I did? What if my invitation and welcome matters to them, too?<\/em><\/p>\n Perhaps that\u2019s why, when I think of mentoring, I think of this passage: \u201cWelcome one another as Christ has welcomed you.\u201d (Romans 15:1-7<\/a>) This Greek word for welcome<\/em> means to lay hold of someone with initiative and strong personal interest<\/em>. It might mean taking them into friendship, granting them access to my heart, or simply receiving them into my home.<\/p>\n With this definition in mind, there\u2019s never been a time when I wasn\u2019t being mentored. Common sense is not innate to my personality; my mother patiently instilled it in me. My father modeled leadership that admits mistakes. My younger siblings shaped my listening skills. (\u201cCan you please<\/em> take off your Mr. Fix-it hat?\u201d)<\/p>\n When in Bible school I had no clear concept of time management, Don and Ellie coached me tactfully. When I was afraid of cooking for a crowd, Julie exuded confidence that I would succeed. When I was in emotional and spiritual turmoil, Sharon provided wise and steady counsel without getting caught up in my drama.<\/p>\n Despite how lavishly I\u2019ve been welcomed, I shrank from returning the favor of mentorship. I kept choosing hidden helping roles, moved not by humility but by fear. Fear of stepping into leadership. Fear of rejection. Fear of being seen as a failure.<\/p>\n The details may differ, but don\u2019t we all have vivid mental pictures of how failure in mentoring could play out?<\/p>\n Whether or not my fears play out, there really are<\/em> reasons why I\u2019m not the best choice to mentor. I really have<\/em> failed to lead well. What in the world could call me out of my hermit-crab shell?<\/p>\n Looking back, I see now that it was love, every time: Love for something, someplace or someone. God (who is<\/em> Love) gently inviting me out of my fears.<\/p>\n And it started when Jesus convinced me that it\u2019s inevitable: I will <\/em>be seen for who I am. (Luke 6:43-45<\/a>) And as terrifying as it can be, this exposure brings me life.<\/p>\n I learned that if I\u2019m going to grow, if I\u2019m going to make a difference, I\u2019ve got to live authentically. Not by blurting out every thought and feeling, but by accepting the truth about myself, allowing God to do His messy work on me in His timing<\/em>, and not attempting to project a different persona.<\/p>\n And so (tremblingly) I began to teach English as a foreign language. Surprisingly, my greatest asset was the freshness of my own fears as a recent language student. As a teacher, I learned to create an atmosphere of safety in which students could learn more rapidly by risking \u2014 and making \u2014 many mistakes.<\/p>\n When my teaching job ended, God still patiently nudged me toward my fears. I was invited to join a discipleship program as a kitchen manager, training a small group of college-aged women to cook for 12 to 20 people. I knew I wasn\u2019t gifted as a leader, and I was hesitant to get involved in the messy parts of people\u2019s lives, but seeing His invitation, I took the job.<\/p>\n Here, too, love has held me steady: love from Jesus himself, and from my coworkers. Love for<\/em> \u201cmy girls,\u201d whom I long to see rooted and grounded in God\u2019s love. (Ephesians 3:14-19<\/a>)<\/p>\n Some of my mentees struggle with anxiety; some have learning disabilities. Who knew that my early lack of common sense would position me to be patient and understanding as their mentor-manager?<\/p>\n In the 12 hours a week we share a kitchen, real conversation naturally arises from our side-by-side, hands-on activities. We could be talking baked beans or bullying, romance or rolled oats. Even discussing a lost appetite can veer toward talk of lost trust. In our kitchen, I try to create a safe environment where my girls can develop a growth mindset, something I hope will benefit them spiritually and practically for the rest of their lives.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve had to apply to myself the things I\u2019m always saying to my girls. For example, when I watched our guests struggling to eat the extra-spicy mac and cheese that I failed to prevent, I had to accept that sincere effort won\u2019t guarantee the results I want. (I also learned that cayenne pepper is just too strong; you can\u2019t multiply it normally.)<\/p>\n Even when the lessons we\u2019re learning aren\u2019t the same, I\u2019m just as much \u201cin school\u201d as my girls are. For example, when JJ said she hesitated to make requests because past leaders hadn\u2019t been for<\/em> her, I made a special effort to have her back. I learned that her rare meltdowns could be opportunities to show her unconditional love, which I was honored to do.<\/p>\n But at one crucial season, I really let JJ down. As I went to apologize, I thought, I don<\/em>\u2019t want to eat humble pie<\/em>. But part of the privilege of leadership is modeling a calm and humble response to mistakes. From that experience, I also learned to get mentoring about<\/em> my mentoring: to invite mature outside perspective on the way I lead.<\/p>\n I tell my girls that I accepted the position just so I could spend time with them. But I really had no idea how much they would mean to me.\u00a0 I\u2019m refreshed by their cheerful response to my leadership, and by their hunger for God\u2019s Word. I\u2019m fulfilled by watching God grow them in wisdom. I\u2019m honored by having a front-row seat to JJ discovering what an artist she is with food as well as with her pen, bubbly Ashley opening up her spiritual life, and Kaileigh blossoming into her hilarious, affectionate self.<\/p>\n While terrifying at times, accepting the responsibility of mentoring might be the surest means of my own growth \u2014 and a serious reason to rely on God. In spiritual terms, that\u2019s solid gold.<\/p>\n Mentoring is an ordinary and necessary part of being the body of Christ. It means making people part of my life, and sharing what God and others have shared with me. I\u2019m not the pastor or the parent, the life coach or counselor. I\u2019m simply a fellow pilgrim, able to pass on what I\u2019ve learned, from just one or two steps ahead in life.<\/p>\n And I\u2019m not the only mentor to the young women in my circle; I\u2019m one of many. The Bible says that Jesus is the<\/em> Word made flesh. (John 1:14<\/a>) It seems to me that each person and their unique giftings and experiences also reflects an aspect of who God is, embodying biblical concepts in a way our hearts can understand. Every believer supplies some of the picture, and we need them all.<\/p>\nFacing off with fear<\/h4>\n
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Invited to love<\/h4>\n
Who\u2019s the real mentor here?<\/h4>\n