\u201cWe\u2019re just friends.\u201d<\/p>\n
I hate that saying. It implies that friendship is something less than a romantic relationship. For me, a single woman in my late twenties, that just isn\u2019t the case. Close friendships are my most valuable relationships, and I wouldn\u2019t have made it to where I am without them.<\/p>\n
Dating advice is pretty prevalent wherever I look on my news feed, but friendship is often overlooked as something easy that everyone should automatically know how to do. The thing is, friendship isn\u2019t always easy; sometimes it\u2019s painful and hard. And when you believe you\u2019re just<\/em> friends with someone, it can make it easier to walk away from a relationship rather than put in the effort to resolve tension or strife.<\/p>\n Throughout high school and college, I liked the idea of being a loner because it meant I didn\u2019t have to open up to anyone. I had friends, and we had our deep talks, sure, but when it came down to the nitty gritty, it was mostly me listening and them talking. I didn\u2019t want to be vulnerable in front of other people, and I think that made my friendships shallower than they should have been. Now that I\u2019m adult, things have changed; I don\u2019t need friends in the same way that I used to, but they have also come to be something so much more valuable.<\/p>\n Friends were important when I was growing up because they helped me discover who I was, who I wanted to be, where I fit in with my peers and how to navigate the pressure-filled waters of childhood. I generally made friends based on circumstances and proximity. You sit next to me in English class and actually care what the teacher is talking about too? Let\u2019s be buddies. (Yes, I was one of those boring, achievement-driven students.)<\/p>\n Now that I\u2019m an adult, though, I don\u2019t need friends to figure out who I am, and circumstances are less likely to make me reach out to someone new \u2013 I\u2019m comfortable being on my own and don\u2019t need friends to validate me. Sitting next to a stranger at a concert or a meeting? We might exchange a few words, but I\u2019m probably not considering them my new BFF.<\/p>\n However, the benefits of adult friendship are undeniable. In fact, even science can attests to this. A recent study <\/a>showed that cancer patients with strong social support networks had much lower levels of a protein linked to more aggressive cancers, making their chemotherapy treatments more effective. Patients in a support group lived longer and said they experienced less pain. Also, those with a group of friends to support them experience less stress and cardiovascular and immune problems.<\/p>\n \u201cThere may be broader effects as well,\u201d says psychology professor at Carnegie Mellon University, Sheldon Cohen, PhD. \u201cFriends encourage you to take better care of yourself. And people with wider social networks are higher in self-esteem, and they feel they have more control over their lives.\u201d<\/p>\n Indeed, having a strong social network is linked to longevity and a better quality of life.<\/p>\n In addition to those benefits, though, I really appreciate that most of my adult friendships are based on shared interests. Outside of school and work, it\u2019s hard to find things to talk about if you have nothing in common. But when I meet someone who also loves Star Wars, enjoys snowboarding, or is an artist, I am immediately excited to talk to them. I\u2019ve also found it incredibly rewarding reaching out to the wisdom of older friends and being a mentor to younger ones.<\/p>\n The quality of friendships I\u2019ve made later in life are generally more fulfilling than the friendships I developed by default during my childhood, even though my relationships now take more energy and time.<\/p>\n Often, people don\u2019t realize they\u2019ve neglected to cultivate deep friendships in their adulthood until a crisis comes along. Perhaps this takes the form of an illness, a death in the family or a firing from a job.<\/p>\n I can count on one hand the people I trust enough to come to with emotional baggage during a crisis. And that\u2019s all I need. But if I didn\u2019t have those people during the difficult times in my life, I would have continued digging my own pit of despair, and I\u2019m not sure how I would have climbed out of it.<\/p>\n Personally, I hate talking about my emotions. I hate feeling vulnerable<\/a>. I hate admitting weakness. But when catastrophe strikes, I\u2019m emotional, vulnerable and weak. There is something comforting about having the pain you are going through acknowledged. Even a simple, \u201cWow, that really sucks\u201d from a friend makes me feel vindicated. Add a nonjudgmental attitude and unconditional love, and I am given the strength I need to move on.<\/p>\nWhy Bother?<\/h4>\n
What\u2019s in a Friend?<\/h4>\n