{"id":37415,"date":"2022-07-26T03:12:53","date_gmt":"2022-07-26T09:12:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/?post_type=blog&p=37415"},"modified":"2022-07-25T13:29:06","modified_gmt":"2022-07-25T19:29:06","slug":"the-benefits-of-focusing-on-our-friends","status":"publish","type":"blog","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/the-benefits-of-focusing-on-our-friends\/","title":{"rendered":"The Benefits of Focusing on Our Friends"},"content":{"rendered":"

When my brother and I took piano lessons as kids, we always fought over who would get to tell Ms. Beth their latest story. It didn\u2019t matter what it was about \u2014 something funny our dog did or some dramatic piece we enacted with our Lego people \u2014 she always wanted to hear it.<\/p>\n

Ms. Beth was no-nonsense about piano and let us know when we didn\u2019t practice enough (which was most of the time), but she always listened fully to whatever we told her, accenting our stories with genuine questions or even a \u201cHoly cow!\u201d every now and then. We felt heard, listened to, seen.<\/p>\n

Lend me your ear<\/strong><\/h4>\n

People who clearly prioritize others inspire me. They\u2019re easy to spot: the way they focus on whoever they are talking with, asking questions to draw out more from the person without seeming to want to air their own opinions. Prioritizing others starts with listening well. I have friends who are much better at this than I am. When a friend calls unexpectedly, all too often I find myself mentally adjusting my schedule or thinking of my to-do list during lulls in conversation. I want to prioritize intentional relationships and be a fantastic listener, but how do I make space for prioritizing relationships in my life?<\/p>\n

A few barriers<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Sometimes the first step to reaching a goal is identifying what is blocking our way. There can be many reasons we struggle to listen to the people in our lives. Here are a few:<\/p>\n

Multitasking.<\/strong> Just the other day, I was talking on the phone with a friend and started to open my Facebook app as we talked. I stopped myself; this was not the time to mindlessly check my notifications. Some distractions are unavoidable, as our friends with small children will point out. But the more we can ignore distractions while talking with others, the more we will be able to focus fully on what they are sharing with us. Simple, but easy to forget.<\/p>\n

Oversharing.<\/strong> When a friend tells me a story, too often I follow with a story of my own. Instead of asking for more details about their experience or probing for more about who they are, I\u2019m following suit with my own story. This is a self-centered move. I\u2019m not trying to one-up them (and I usually don\u2019t, anyway), but I\u2019m too quick to turn the conversation back to myself.<\/p>\n

Disorganization. <\/strong>Oh, how this one hits home! Try<\/a> as I might, I have never been organized<\/a> in any area of my life. But when our schedules are disorganized, it can throw an extra kink into our well-intentioned plans to be present for others. There is no shortcut; developing and maintaining relationships takes time. When we let our tasks expand to fill the time allotted and our schedules overflow with our responsibilities, we crowd out our opportunities to get to know people better.<\/p>\n

Cleari<\/strong>ng the clutter<\/strong><\/h4>\n

Once we\u2019ve identified which barrier is primarily blocking our way, we can try simple ways to deepen relationships with friends and be better listeners. Consider a few of these ideas:<\/p>\n

Focus.<\/strong> Set aside your phone. While our digital devices shouldn\u2019t take all the blame for our relationship disconnects, they\u2019re a good place to start. Sometimes we really do need to be available via our devices, but when possible leave it in another room. Even putting it on silent while leaving it within arm\u2019s reach may not be enough. Physically remove it from your reach. Focus on the people in front of you.<\/p>\n

Ask questions.<\/strong> You may think of a really good story to keep the conversation moving, and that\u2019s OK; there\u2019s a place for sharing our own stories. But try holding back, at least at first, and probe your friend for more about the story they just shared with you. Ask why they think that memory is significant to them. Have they ever experienced anything like that again? Who was with them when the event happened? Did they learn anything about themselves or others?<\/p>\n

As a sidenote, don\u2019t expect your friends to immediately reciprocate or match your interest in their stories with the same level of interest in yours. They may not be thinking intentionally about this right now, and that\u2019s also OK. As Bob Goff said in his book \u201cEverybody Always,\u201d \u201cThe fact is, what skews my view of people \u2026 is that God is working on different things in their lives than He is working on in mine.\u201d<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t procrastinate.<\/strong> I said it earlier, but it\u2019s true: Work expands to fill the time allotted. If you find yourself always rushing to the next item on your to-do list, maybe it\u2019s time to work on the priorities and responsibilities you already have before trying to add another. Get things done early so you can slow down when a friend needs you to. Intentionally build in margin by planning to be ahead of schedule.<\/p>\n

Why friendship is worth it<\/strong><\/p>\n

Relationships take work. Time. Effort. Intentionality. But we will eventually find that our efforts are worth it. And for Christians, we have more grounding our work than just a desire to be a better friend or listener.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe love because He first loved us,\u201d the apostle John wrote<\/a>. God\u2019s love grounds us, giving us the freedom and ability to love others the way He loves us. It\u2019s a tall order, but one that comes with grace and help. \u2014 and we can be sure that our Savior who calls<\/a> us His friends will help us be deeper friends with others.<\/p>\n

Copyright 2022 Lauren Dunn. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Relationships take work. Time. Effort. Intentionality. But we will eventually find that our efforts are worth it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":37416,"menu_order":0,"template":"","categories":[3,6,10,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37415","blog","type-blog","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adulthood","category-life-with-others","category-personal-growth","category-relationships"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Benefits of Focusing on Our Friends - Boundless<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Relationships take work. Time. Effort. Intentionality. 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