{"id":37687,"date":"2022-10-03T05:00:06","date_gmt":"2022-10-03T11:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/?p=37687"},"modified":"2022-09-26T16:00:26","modified_gmt":"2022-09-26T22:00:26","slug":"how-to-recognize-gossip-and-shut-it-down","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/adulthood\/how-to-recognize-gossip-and-shut-it-down\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Recognize Gossip and Shut It Down"},"content":{"rendered":"

As I pulled out of my friend\u2019s driveway, I felt awful. Why hadn\u2019t I shut down our conversation or changed the subject?<\/p>\n

I\u2019d stopped by her house to pick something up, and before I knew it, our discussion turned to a couple we both knew. We\u2019d had similar negative experiences with them. As a result, my friend left the organization they led. I was still there, but I knew it probably wouldn\u2019t be long before I exited too. As hard as I tried to communicate directly with them to improve the situation, change wasn\u2019t coming.<\/p>\n

But the commiseration my friend and I shared didn\u2019t feel cathartic. Instead, it felt like gossip.<\/p>\n

Gossip by any other name<\/h4>\n

Gossip, which Dictionary.com defines<\/a> as \u201cidle talk or rumor, especially about the private or personal affairs of others,\u201d is a normal part of our culture. But have you noticed that when it happens in Christian circles, many of us don\u2019t call gossip what it is?<\/p>\n

I think that\u2019s because it\u2019s easier to justify gossip if we label or mask it as something else. Instead of telling ourselves that it\u2019s gossip, we disguise it as things like prayer requests, \u201cjust thought you should know\u201d warnings, and venting (which is probably where the commiseration I mentioned fits).<\/p>\n

What do these \u201cgossip disguises\u201d look like? And how do you know if, like my friend and me, you\u2019re cloaking gossip as one of them? Let\u2019s look at each a bit closer.<\/p>\n

Prayer requests. <\/strong>When we\u2019re itching to talk about someone, sharing what we know in the form of a prayer request seems more spiritual. Asking others to intercede for another person allows us to tell what we know but not sound like we\u2019re gossiping.<\/p>\n

We can say things like, \u201cCan you pray for Amy? She\u2019s struggling to make wise decisions in her dating relationships. The last guy she went out with always lied to her, and she seems drawn to other men just like him.\u201d We said a lot about Amy in those three small sentences, and not all of it was necessary. We ventured into gossip by adding information about a past boyfriend and what we perceived to be a lack of wisdom on Amy\u2019s part.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust thought you should know\u201d warnings. <\/strong>Most of us understand that it reflects poorly on us if we speak negatively about someone else. Instead, we sometimes disguise our words as a \u201cjust thought you should know\u201d warning, attempting to appear helpful. And don\u2019t get me wrong, the intention may often be good.<\/p>\n

We might say, \u201cI heard you\u2019re having coffee with Grace on Friday. I just thought you should know that I\u2019ve noticed not all of her behavior aligns with her faith.\u201d We might elaborate a little bit by sharing questionable places she\u2019s gone or people she\u2019s hung out with. Did the person we\u2019re talking to need to know all of that? No. Good intentions or not, we\u2019ve managed to adversely color their perception of Grace before they have a chance to get to know her themselves.<\/p>\n

Venting. <\/strong>One of my favorite articles by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin is \u201cVenting and Losing<\/a>.\u201d It\u2019s a piece that changed how I view venting. Before I read it, I didn\u2019t realize that venting is often gossip in disguise.<\/p>\n

Suzanne explains that venting \u201cinvolves voicing frustrations that are often damaging to a person or a cause. By giving ourselves permission to \u2018vent,\u2019 we allow words to pour out unchecked, taking little time to consider whether they\u2019re gossip, slander or just good, old-fashioned complaint.\u201d<\/p>\n

So how can venting sound when it is<\/em> gossip? We might say, \u201cI\u2019m so frustrated with Morgan. The other night, I tried to talk to her about her bad attitude. She blew me off! I think she\u2019s totally prideful right now and doesn\u2019t want to listen to what anyone else thinks.\u201d We\u2019re making assumptions about Morgan and conveying them to someone else as truth.<\/p>\n

While gossip, in any form, certainly isn\u2019t sweet, it does seem appropriate to quote Shakespeare here. As the Bard wrote in \u201cRomeo and Juliet,<\/em>\u201d \u201cA rose by any other name would smell as sweet.\u201d And gossip, no matter what we call it, is still gossip. So, as followers of Jesus, is it ever OK?<\/p>\n

Slamming the door on gossip<\/h4>\n

I recently heard a sermon from my church\u2019s teaching pastor, Robert Watson<\/a>, on Jesus\u2019 commendation and correction in Revelation to the church in Pergamum. These Christians had allowed the culture to creep into their day-to-day lives. But Jesus reminded this church that just because something was culturally or socially acceptable didn\u2019t make it OK for them.<\/p>\n

The same is true for us today. As Watson admonished, \u201cNot every culturally acceptable door needs to remain opened.\u201d And I believe gossip is one of those doors that need to stay closed.<\/p>\n

Scripture is full of warnings about gossip and the importance of guarding our words carefully. Here are just a few:<\/p>\n