{"id":38925,"date":"2023-07-18T03:23:18","date_gmt":"2023-07-18T09:23:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/?post_type=blog&p=38925"},"modified":"2023-07-17T08:51:52","modified_gmt":"2023-07-17T14:51:52","slug":"when-you-feel-like-you-dont-belong","status":"publish","type":"blog","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/when-you-feel-like-you-dont-belong\/","title":{"rendered":"When You Feel Like You Don\u2019t Belong"},"content":{"rendered":"

As soon as I walked into the party, I noticed I was the only single adult. I felt much like I did that time I jumped on a Zoom call only to realize my attendance wasn\u2019t necessary. I didn\u2019t fit. I felt awkward, out of place \u2014 like everyone knew I didn\u2019t belong. I felt the all-too-familiar ache of being left out.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t the first time I\u2019ve walked into a social gathering feeling like an outsider. As a result, I often evaluate events I attend by the number of attendees whose life stage matches mine. I realize this approach is less than ideal, but short of bailing early, what am I supposed to do when I feel like I don\u2019t belong?<\/p>\n

A category for everyone<\/h4>\n

This isn\u2019t unique to singleness. We humans are adept at categorizing ourselves by all manner of secondary characteristics: Did everyone else in that meeting have a master\u2019s degree? I <\/em>wonder how many people in this small group make more money than I do? Was I the only one wearing a Disney t-shirt?<\/em><\/p>\n

We have more significant differences, too. Gender, race, and family background all play an influential role in our lives. That\u2019s why it\u2019s so significant that Paul says even these differences can\u2019t divide Christians. \u201cThere is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave\u00a0nor free,\u00a0there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus,\u201d he wrote to the Galatians<\/a>.<\/p>\n

In Paul\u2019s culture, few differences were more significant than \u201cJew\u201d and \u201cGreek.\u201d Even the disciple Peter stumbled over viewing other believers more as non-Jews than as brothers in Christ<\/a>. If even that difference is secondary compared to our identity in Christ, then all our other lesser categories are also outranked. The common denominator among all Christians is also our deepest, most foundational identity: We are blood-bought followers of Christ.<\/p>\n

I may feel like I don\u2019t belong. Others may think I don\u2019t belong. And sometimes, like on that Zoom call, I may truly \u2014 literally \u2014 not belong. But among fellow believers, I know that my identity in Christ supersedes whatever I don\u2019t have in common with my peers.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t isolate yourself<\/h4>\n

Some of our secondary statuses, like gender or race, don\u2019t change. Others, like age or income, change over time and in different circumstances. Still others may or may not change \u2014 like my relationship status. But all these secondary statuses are exactly that: secondary.<\/p>\n

When I fixate on my single status, I isolate myself from deeper relationships with other Christians whose lives don\u2019t look like mine. It may be clich\u00e9, but it\u2019s so true in Christ: We are more alike than we are different. We can speak into the hard things in each other\u2019s lives even if it\u2019s not the specific hard thing we\u2019ve faced.<\/p>\n

Growing up, I fully expected to walk through life stages with my best friend. I had no doubt we\u2019d date, marry, and have kids on roughly the same timetable. She\u2019s now married with three little boys, while I don\u2019t know if I\u2019ll ever enjoy that reality. I\u2019ve been frustrated that we haven\u2019t walked through those life stages together like I had hoped.<\/p>\n

But when I traveled this spring to visit her and meet her youngest son, I realized: We are <\/em>walking through these life stages together. Just because our life stages are different doesn\u2019t mean we don\u2019t go through them together. She encourages me on my hard days, and I do my best to return the favor. We\u2019re walking through life together regardless of whether our secondary statuses match up.<\/p>\n

Next time it\u2019ll be different<\/h4>\n

I\u2019m sure that party was not the last time I\u2019ll find myself feeling left out. There will be many more times I feel out of place. Like I don\u2019t belong. My relationship status places me in a different relational category than most of my peers, as do countless other secondary statuses. But those pale in comparison to the deep sameness we have through the gospel.<\/p>\n

Knowing all this won\u2019t necessarily make it easier the next time I walk into a room where I feel like I don\u2019t belong. But regardless of how I feel, the truth stands: In Christ, we\u2019re more alike than we are different.<\/p>\n

Copyright 2023 Lauren Dunn. All rights reserved.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I fixate on my single status, I isolate myself from deeper relationships with other Christians whose lives don\u2019t look like mine.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":102,"featured_media":38926,"menu_order":0,"template":"","categories":[3,8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-38925","blog","type-blog","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adulthood","category-being-single"],"yoast_head":"\nWhen You Feel Like You Don\u2019t Belong - Boundless<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When I fixate on my single status, I isolate myself from deeper relationships with other Christians whose lives don\u2019t look like mine.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/when-you-feel-like-you-dont-belong\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"When You Feel Like You Don\u2019t Belong\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When I fixate on my single status, I isolate myself from deeper relationships with other Christians whose lives don\u2019t look like mine.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/when-you-feel-like-you-dont-belong\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Boundless\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/boundless.org\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/When-you-feel-like-you-dont-belong-150.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1500\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"844\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/when-you-feel-like-you-dont-belong\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/when-you-feel-like-you-dont-belong\/\",\"name\":\"When You Feel Like You Don\u2019t Belong - Boundless\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/when-you-feel-like-you-dont-belong\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/when-you-feel-like-you-dont-belong\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/When-you-feel-like-you-dont-belong-150.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-07-18T09:23:18+00:00\",\"description\":\"When I fixate on my single status, I isolate myself from deeper relationships with other Christians whose lives don\u2019t look like mine.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/when-you-feel-like-you-dont-belong\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/when-you-feel-like-you-dont-belong\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/when-you-feel-like-you-dont-belong\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/When-you-feel-like-you-dont-belong-150.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/When-you-feel-like-you-dont-belong-150.jpg\",\"width\":1500,\"height\":844},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/when-you-feel-like-you-dont-belong\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Blog Posts\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"When You Feel Like You Don\u2019t Belong\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/\",\"name\":\"Boundless\",\"description\":\"Find your place. 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