When I was first getting to know my husband, Kevin, texting played a big role in our relationship. In fact, it was so critical to the early development of our friendship that I included some of our early text messages in our wedding slideshow. Nowadays, texting and in-app messaging play an even larger role in how relationships form and progress.<\/p>\n
We use digital communication for everything from checking in with our parents to shooting a message to the DoorDash guy delivering our burrito. It’s incredibly convenient, but can also be a landmine of bad behaviors when conducting a romantic relationship.<\/p>\n
In my case, my frequent texting with Kevin fueled the interest we already shared. But our relationship also consisted of lots of in-person time spent together. Messaging was a tool to continue the conversation when we had other things going on, and it enhanced our real-life relationship. We texted for about a month before we began dating, and our texting habit continues nearly 14 years into marriage.<\/p>\n
While digital communication can be an asset to a relationship by allowing a budding friendship to develop quickly, messaging has its downsides. Consider the following three texting faux pas:<\/p>\n
Breadcrumbing. <\/strong>This practice refers to an individual sending out flirtatious messages \u2014 \u201cbreadcrumbs\u201d \u2014 to gain someone\u2019s affections without any intention of committing. According to one psychologist:<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cBreadcrumbing \u2018is leading someone on romantically using online or electronic forums (think: social media or texting) to keep someone\u2019s interest in you, even if you never intend to become romantically involved with them.\u2019 It\u2019s essentially an emotionally manipulative tactic designed to make someone dependent on you (or vice versa, depending on the relationship dynamic).\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n If someone seems less invested in getting together than you are, is \u201chot and cold\u201d in the relationship, or you’re confused about whether you’re just friends or something more, he or she may fit this category. I have even experienced this in female friendships. A healthy boundary is to refuse to participate in \u201cpicking up the crumbs\u201d and then distance yourself from the breadcrumber, who is not behaving as a true friend.<\/p>\n Matthew 5:37<\/a> delivers a simple reprimand for this type of behavior when it says, \u201cLet what you say be simply \u2018Yes\u2019 or \u2018No\u2019; anything more than this comes from evil.\u201d Breadcrumbing is an insincere form of communication that takes advantage of the other person by misleading them. Instead of dropping crumbs, be honest in your communications and create clear boundaries if necessary.<\/p>\n Ghosting.<\/strong> Many a single has been affected by this toxic texting trait. You\u2019re having what feels like a great conversation with someone when suddenly communication ceases {insert cricket noises}. According to one study, nearly 25 percent of men and women reported having been ghosted in a romantic relationship, and 22 percent admitted they had ghosted someone else. The idea of abruptly ending communication isn\u2019t new, but digital messaging makes it simple to avoid the hard conversations that come with a mature dating relationship. An article in Psychology Today<\/a> explains:<\/p>\n \u201cCutting off communication spares the individual from confrontation, taking responsibility, or engaging in the emotional labor of empathy \u2014 despite the benefit a conversation can provide. In effect, it is much more convenient to vanish.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n At the root of ghosting is convenience \u2014 ignoring the other person is easier than engaging in uncomfortable truth-telling. Before texting and in-app messaging were prevalent, I was ghosted by a guy I\u2019d been emailing. (I realize this admission dates me, but the principle was the same, so hang in there.) He lived an hour away, and after we\u2019d exchanged a handful of pleasant emails, our digital correspondence ceased. Over the next few weeks, I sent a few short \u201chaven\u2019t heard from you in a while\u201d messages with no response.<\/p>\n Just when I thought our email relationship was over, I received a message from him, wanting to reengage. I later learned he had gotten back in touch with an ex-girlfriend during that time and they were exploring getting back together. He didn\u2019t want to have to explain, so he dropped communication with me. When he was available again, he reached out. Our friendship never developed into more, but I would have appreciated honesty instead of ghosting. He could have told me circumstances had changed and he was no longer available.<\/p>\n The \u201cslow fade\u201d is a version of ghosting. Instead of ending the relationship abruptly, the slow-fader gradually decreases contact until the relationship fizzles. In this case, the perpetrator may be attempting to spare the other person\u2019s feelings, but it can actually be more painful because it keeps her on the hook, thinking the relationship might still happen.<\/p>\n Having truthful conversations can be difficult and uncomfortable. However, Scripture tells us that speaking the truth in love is a mark of maturity in Christ<\/a>. Ghosting is disrespectful and hurtful. A believer should choose the path of honor by having the hard conversation.<\/p>\n