When a guy picked me up for my first-ever date \u2014 at age 26 \u2014 I was nervously excited. He was a strong Christian with good character. I thought I knew what I wanted the relationship to look like.<\/p>\n
And I was terrified I would mess up somehow.<\/p>\n
I just knew I would find a way to make a mistake. Surely, I would move too fast \u2014 or not fast enough. Most likely I would ask the wrong question or give the wrong answer to one of his questions.<\/p>\n
That relationship lasted only a few weeks, at least in part due to my fear of making a mistake. But I don\u2019t think I realized how great a role fear played in relationships and my life in general.<\/p>\n
A few years later, I listened to an earlier episode of \u201cThe Boundless Show\u201d podcast. As Lisa Anderson and her roundtable guests discussed how to get a date<\/a>, Travis Williams pinpointed my problem. \u201cThere\u2019s healthy fear and unhealthy fear,\u201d he said. \u201cThere\u2019s so much fear wrapped around this issue.\u201d<\/p>\n I remember the first time I heard that episode. Something clicked. That\u2019s my problem, <\/em>I thought. I\u2019m afraid. <\/em><\/p>\n Of course, I\u2019ve let fear rule my life in other areas, too. The work of freelance writing usually begins with cold-call emailing. So, when I emailed my first Boundless article ideas several years ago, I included a summary of what Boundless articles had taught me about Christian singleness.<\/p>\n Suzanne Hadley Gosselin, then interim editor of Boundless, didn\u2019t take any of my ideas (I\u2019ve since forgiven her), but she asked me to elaborate on my reflection of what I had gained from Boundless. She wanted me to write about how I had processed and worked through my extended singleness.<\/p>\n I hesitated. I hadn\u2019t set out to write something so \u2026 personal. I preferred to write something more instructive and less vulnerable. But I also wanted to write for Boundless, and since none of my other ideas seemed likely, I agreed to follow Suzanne\u2019s suggestion<\/a> \u2014 despite my fear of getting real.<\/p>\n \u201cEven before I could read, I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up: a mother,\u201d I wrote. \u201cFor many of us, our stories right now don\u2019t match the dreams we have always had. But within that hard reality, I\u2019m learning that life isn\u2019t about my expectations and never has been really. And God\u2019s plan is bigger and greater than any I would have written on my own\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Because of Boundless, I pushed through my fear of talking about these deep desires.<\/p>\n Travis was on to something. We know that God calls His people to fear Him<\/a>, as in revere, respect, and stand in awe of Him. And a healthy fear of dangerous situations keeps us from taking unnecessary risks. But as humans, we too often fall prey to unhealthy fears that hinder us from living in faith.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re so scared that we just don\u2019t want to even take any kind of steps,\u201d Travis said.<\/p>\n When I went on that first date, and now every time I wonder if a certain guy might be interested, I quickly start worrying I\u2019ll make a mistake. But honestly? It\u2019s not \u201cif\u201d I make a mistake. It\u2019s \u201cwhen\u201d and \u201chow often\u201d I will make mistakes. I mean, seriously: I\u2019ve made plenty of mistakes in singleness, so why would dating be any different?<\/p>\n \u201cAs a believer, you can be like, \u201cYou know what? My confidence ultimately comes from my relationship with Christ,\u2019\u201d Travis said.<\/p>\n Christ gives me a surer foundation than simply \u201ctrying not to mess up.\u201d When I make those inevitable mistakes, who am I trusting? Who am I really<\/em> trusting to guide my steps? Am I trusting myself? My own strength or smarts? What a poor alternative for the refuge God promises to be<\/a> for those who love Him.<\/p>\n Throughout my five years of blogging for Boundless, Lisa and other editors have pushed me to be more specific, more personal. To talk less about abstract ideals and more about where the rubber meets the road. Less about \u201cthe top 10 worries single people face\u201d (implying that other <\/em>single people face them, but not me) and more about \u201chere\u2019s how I struggle<\/em> with what people say about singleness<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n Even after that first article, I balked at the push to open up. I still found it too vulnerable to talk with even friends or family about my desire to get married and have a family, so writing about it for untold strangers to read didn\u2019t come easily.<\/p>\n But over time, I\u2019ve found that sharing my own struggles helps me, too \u2014 and not just in relationships. I\u2019ve blogged about dealing with people-pleasing<\/a>, feelings of inadequacy<\/a>, and the pain of missing out<\/a>. Through blogging for Boundless, I have processed what it means to surrender<\/a> my hopes for marriage to God and then I\u2019ve reevaluated whether I\u2019ve surrendered<\/a> them like I thought I had. I\u2019ve talked about my own griefs and struggles in singleness over<\/a> and over<\/a> and over again<\/a>.<\/p>\n In some ways, my life doesn\u2019t look all that different than it did when I started blogging for Boundless several years ago. I\u2019m still single, still hoping for marriage and motherhood. But I know better what it means to trust God while waiting. I know from more personal experience that God leads my steps even when I make mistakes. And I hold more hope and wonder for the future and whatever God will do next.<\/p>\n Copyright 2023 Lauren Dunn. All rights reserved.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It\u2019s not \u201cif\u201d I make a mistake. It\u2019s \u201cwhen\u201d and \u201chow often\u201d I will make mistakes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":102,"featured_media":39571,"menu_order":0,"template":"","categories":[8,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-39285","blog","type-blog","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-being-single","category-personal-growth"],"yoast_head":"\nNot the first time I\u2019ve been afraid<\/h4>\n
Healthy fear vs. unhealthy fear<\/h4>\n
Still putting myself out there<\/h4>\n