{"id":41266,"date":"2024-07-19T01:24:43","date_gmt":"2024-07-19T07:24:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/?post_type=blog&p=41266"},"modified":"2024-08-12T11:28:11","modified_gmt":"2024-08-12T17:28:11","slug":"how-to-help-a-friend-in-a-bad-relationship","status":"publish","type":"blog","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/how-to-help-a-friend-in-a-bad-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Help a Friend in a Bad Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cShould I break up with him?\u201d<\/p>\n

Her words hung in the air. This wasn\u2019t the first time my friend Ava* asked me that question.<\/p>\n

It was a conversation we\u2019d had too many times. Her boyfriend had let her down again; in fact, he\u2019d disrespected her, burdened her with his sin, and emotionally bruised her. I couldn\u2019t stand to see her hurt again, and I couldn\u2019t stand this guy who was hurting her. I wanted to scream, \u201cYes! Break up with him!\u201d Instead, I bit my tongue and swallowed the words that boiled inside me.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d I replied.<\/p>\n

I know breakups aren\u2019t easy<\/a>. I was there when she prepared for their first date, and I remember our countless hangouts, staying up late fantasizing about their future together. Along with their bad times, I saw the good times, and I wanted to hold out hope that they would return. Anyway, <\/em>I thought, who am I to dictate their relationship<\/em>?<\/p>\n

However, for Ava, my honesty meant everything.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s hard to see a friend navigate a bad relationship, and it\u2019s difficult to know what to do. For me, even though the problems were obvious, I worried about being wrong and misleading Ava into more pain. There\u2019s also the fear that speaking up will be detrimental to the friendship, or the assumption that it\u2019s not your place to \u201cbutt in.\u201d Regardless of what the concern may be, godly friendships are built for times like these. The book of Ecclesiastes reminds us:<\/p>\n

\u201cTwo are better than one because they have a good return for their labor; for if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up!\u201d (Ecc. 4:9-10, NASB)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ava has since broken up with her ex (praise God!), and while the transition to singleness has come with some difficulty, the incredible peace of God has followed. On a recent phone call with Ava, I asked what encouraged her to finally leave and what I and others could have done to lead her to that decision sooner. I\u2019ve condensed our conversation into four tips to guide you as you seek to help a friend in a bad relationship.<\/p>\n

Sympathize with your friend\u2019s emotions.<\/h4>\n

Despite how horrible the relationship may seem to you, try putting yourself in your friend\u2019s shoes. Seek to understand what is tying them to their significant other. Maybe they\u2019re afraid to let go of the person they once knew, or they fear losing a part of themself. Do they worry about having no community? Are they concerned they\u2019ll be seen as a failure if they leave? Create a safe space for your friend to open up about these fears. Listen, validate, and ask questions to unveil the bigger picture.<\/p>\n

If you find your friend rejecting your advice, defending their partner, or even pulling away from the friendship, return to this tip. Chances are their response is not personal to you but rather is a reaction to their deeper emotions.<\/p>\n

Be a prayer warrior.<\/h4>\n

Continuously pray with and for your friend. Ask God to direct their path, strengthen them, and pour His Spirit and peace into the situation. Even if your friend is not a believer<\/a>, still offer to pray together. This may be an opportunity to share the love of Jesus with them!<\/p>\n

Have fun together.<\/h4>\n

While in a relationship, it\u2019s easy for someone\u2019s partner to become the heart of their community, and in some cases, their identity. It\u2019s scary to walk away when you fear you\u2019ll have nothing else. Practice taking your friend on your own \u201cdates.\u201d Have fun together, introduce them to new friends, and reassure them of their individual identity as a child of God. Try planning a trip together, learn a new hobby, host a sleepover, work out together, start a Bible study, or join a small group at your church.<\/p>\n

Practice speaking the truth in love.<\/h4>\n

I struggled with this tip, but for Ava it was crucial. Lovingly talk to your friend out of an area of concern. Let your friend know you are there for them, that you love them unconditionally, and that it is OK to let go and grow apart from their partner. Here are a few ways you can lovingly lead into an honest conversation:<\/p>\n