{"id":41483,"date":"2024-08-13T01:24:07","date_gmt":"2024-08-13T07:24:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/?post_type=blog&p=41483"},"modified":"2024-08-12T13:43:08","modified_gmt":"2024-08-12T19:43:08","slug":"when-your-parents-dont-approve-of-your-relationship","status":"publish","type":"blog","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/when-your-parents-dont-approve-of-your-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"When Your Parents Don\u2019t Approve of Your Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

I recently received a note from a Boundless reader telling me her boyfriend\u2019s parents disapprove of their relationship. Even though the couple has sought godly counsel and covered the relationship with prayer, the man\u2019s parents, who are Christians, are concerned he\u2019s rushing into the relationship with a woman several years older than he. His parents are worried the couple will feel pressured into starting a family because the woman is in her early 30s.<\/p>\n

You may already know that my husband and I have a significant age difference<\/a> (I\u2019m older). This reader asked if I had experienced something similar and asked for my advice. I enjoyed taking a walk down memory lane \u2014 back 15 years to when my husband and I were dating \u2014 to answer her question.<\/p>\n

In search of parental blessing<\/h4>\n

Securing parental support in relationships can be a tricky thing to navigate. If your parents are reasonable individuals who share your faith or at least your values, they can be a great source of wise counsel. They know you better than most others in your life because they\u2019ve known you longer. Even if a parent isn\u2019t a believer, he or she may have valuable insights on who would make you a great life partner.<\/p>\n

When I started dating Kevin, I looked to my parents immediately. I wanted to be sure they saw what I saw \u2014 that Kevin was a man of integrity who loved Jesus and would make a great husband and father. Because I was 30 at the time, my parents, who lived in a different state, were fully supportive based on what I told them over the phone. They knew me and trusted my judgment. And I was spiritually and emotionally mature by that point. They first met Kevin the weekend he asked my dad if he could marry me.<\/p>\n

One of my fondest memories from that weekend happened when we all went out to dinner the evening after Dad had given Kevin his blessing to marry me. \u201cKevin,\u201d he said after we had finished our meal, \u201cSuzanne\u2019s mom would love to hear what you told me earlier.\u201d Kevin\u2019s eyes grew wide. But he dutifully launched into the \u201cI love your daughter\u201d speech, giving me the rare opportunity to hear my boyfriend ask for my hand in marriage.<\/p>\n

Kevin\u2019s parents responded a little differently. They lived nearby and when Kevin told them about me, they had concerns. I\u2019m sure they wondered why this \u201colder woman\u201d was interested in their son who had just graduated from college the previous year. I remember the first time Kevin and I met them for coffee. They were polite and friendly, but I sensed the jury was still out. We talked about my job, friends and family, and I think they left feeling a little more at ease. I\u2019m sure they still had concerns but over time, as they got to know me, their qualms subsided.<\/p>\n

How to respond when parents push back<\/h4>\n

Lack of parental approval for romantic relationships has been a theme of literature and entertainment for centuries. A quick online search brings up dozens of articles on the topic. So, if your parents aren\u2019t thrilled about the person you\u2019re dating, you\u2019re not the first to face that hurdle. At times it may just be a feeling they have, but sometimes they may have legitimate objections that you shouldn\u2019t ignore. Here are three ways to navigate a parent\u2019s disapproval.<\/p>\n

Allow them to speak their objections without you getting defensive.<\/strong> Proverbs 11:14<\/a> tells us, \u201cWhere there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.\u201d Listening to someone who knows you well and cares about you costs you nothing and may save you from a bad relationship. When Kevin\u2019s parents voiced their concerns about our age difference and how fast the relationship was moving, he listened. He also understood that their concern was based on limited information. Their concern prompted us to discuss the age difference issue more thoroughly, which helped us go into marriage more prepared.<\/p>\n

Help your parents get to know your significant other.<\/strong> Although our relationship moved quickly, Kevin arranged for me to spend time with his parents and siblings so they could get to know me. I joined them for family gatherings and even attended a family wedding. They soon discovered how well we worked together and how our interests in life were aligned. They also got a feel for who I was \u2014 that I had worked diligently at a job for almost a decade and had healthy friendships and close family ties. By the time we got engaged, they were fully on board and even helped us celebrate after he popped the question.<\/p>\n

Invite others in.<\/strong> If a parent\u2019s disapproval persists, seek advice from mentors, pastors, counselors and friends you trust. Do they have similar worries about the relationship? It\u2019s possible you have a blind spot. Many years ago, a friend told me her close family member had married a man with a drug addiction. \u201cWe all saw it and tried to warn her against marrying him, but she thought he would change.\u201d Pay attention if multiple people in your life are expressing similar concerns. If a parent is the only one objecting, then a godly community is essential for moving forward in a relationship.<\/p>\n

Looking to the future<\/h4>\n

If, after you\u2019ve tried everything, parents still object to the relationship, think through the potential challenges that might arise if the relationship continues. If you marry, you will be linked to both of your parents for years to come, which could put extra stress on your relationship. A good marriage is still possible, but you may have to set boundaries, pursue counseling, or seek out additional support.<\/p>\n

When Kevin\u2019s parents first voiced their concerns about our relationship, he listened. Then he reassured them that while he heard their concerns, it was his decision and he believed we were following the Lord\u2019s leading. Ultimately, children sometimes make different decisions than their parents would. What\u2019s important in any relationship is to walk forward prayerfully with godly counsel.<\/p>\n

Every relationship will have its challenges \u2014 disapproval from parents is just one of them. As you focus on the goal of building toward a Christ-centered marriage, trust Him to take care of the rest.<\/p>\n

Copyright 2024 Suzanne Hadley Gosselin. All rights reserved.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If your parents aren\u2019t thrilled about the person you\u2019re dating, it may be a feeling they have, or they may have legitimate objections that you shouldn\u2019t ignore. 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