{"id":42899,"date":"2025-03-31T01:25:10","date_gmt":"2025-03-31T07:25:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/?p=42899"},"modified":"2025-03-28T11:52:19","modified_gmt":"2025-03-28T17:52:19","slug":"when-your-friends-dont-understand-your-commitment-to-sexual-purity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/adulthood\/when-your-friends-dont-understand-your-commitment-to-sexual-purity\/","title":{"rendered":"When Your Friends Don\u2019t Understand Your Commitment to Sexual Purity"},"content":{"rendered":"

I don\u2019t even know how to feel about the word purity<\/em> anymore. I grew up in the \u201890s youth group culture of purity rings and True Love Waits. There was an extreme focus on purity that seemed to boil down to one idea: Wait until you\u2019re married to have sex and you\u2019ll prove you\u2019re a good Christian.<\/p>\n

Despite very noble and even biblical directives, a theology of purity was often muddled. The realities of hormones and a sin nature with its desires put what we should<\/em> do and what we wanted<\/em> to do forever in conflict with each other. The only solution seemed to be to get as close to the line as we could while hoping (fingers crossed!) we could still white-knuckle it to the altar with our virginity intact.<\/p>\n

Today, things are different. Multiple studies report 90-97 percent of people have sex before marriage and 70 percent live together before marriage. Premarital sex and cohabitation<\/a> are the norm, and the idea of purity seems like a dated concept that is nothing more than a personal standard.<\/p>\n

If purity was unpopular in the \u201890s, it feels nearly extinct now. So what does purity (or the better, less-baggage-attached term may be sexual integrity<\/em>) mean today, why does it matter, and how do you honor God\u2019s design for sexuality when others don\u2019t understand your commitment to it?<\/p>\n

A commitment to sexual integrity can feel lonely<\/h4>\n

The first time I told a boyfriend I was waiting until I was married to have sex, he broke up with me. That set the stage for years of people questioning my decision and thinking I was crazy. While I knew my decision was right for me as a Christian, it was hard knowing people judged me, mocked me, or would even break up with me over it.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not uncommon to feel isolated in your commitment to sexual purity, even among fellow Christians. The world normalizes cohabitation, casual sex, and shifting moral standards. Sadly, the church is sometimes silent in addressing sexual sin. Choosing a countercultural path can feel lonely.<\/p>\n

Why purity still matters (even when others disagree)<\/h4>\n

It\u2019s easy to think sexual purity is just about rules that need to be followed to be a good Christian. It\u2019s not. Purity isn\u2019t really even about protecting our heart or our body or the relationship we\u2019ll perhaps someday have with a spouse \u2014 even though these are all good outcomes. At its core, purity is an act of love and worship. As God talks about His desire for people to live pure lives, including in relationships, it isn\u2019t about being \u201cgood.\u201d It is about demonstrating love for and worship of God. Jesus stated, \u201cIf you love me, you will keep my commandments\u201d (John 14:15<\/a>). A commitment to purity is one way to show we believe and trust God.<\/p>\n

The root of the word integrity<\/em> is the Latin word for whole<\/em> or complete<\/em>; thus, sexual integrity means our sexual behavior is congruent with our beliefs about sex. Our beliefs and behavior, when aligned, reflect the \u201cwholeness\u201d of what we know to be true. For Christians, this truth is clearly outlined in God\u2019s Word.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s no surprise, then, that obedience to God, even in our sexuality, brings goodness and blessing. Setting boundaries<\/a> for appropriate sexual expression and behavior helps protect us. Social science supports this. Studies show that cohabitation often leads to higher rates of domestic abuse and divorce, and casual sex consistently triggers physical, emotional and spiritual harm. You don\u2019t have to go far to find someone whose life has been negatively affected by sexual sin. Its consequences are far-reaching and long-lasting.<\/p>\n

Doesn\u2019t God give grace to the sinner?<\/h4>\n

So where is God\u2019s grace in all this? Is God standing over us with a scowl, waiting to zap us when we sin sexually? Or conversely, is He a sort of \u201ckind grandpa in the sky,\u201d willing to avert His eyes when we sin so we don\u2019t feel bad?<\/p>\n

God offers grace freely, but He also calls us to holiness. In John 8<\/a>, the woman caught in adultery was immediately forgiven by Jesus, but then He followed up with, \u201cGo and sin no more.\u201d When we repent of our sins, we are forgiven, but that doesn\u2019t mean we have a permission slip to remain in that sin.<\/p>\n

If friends or a partner are challenging your commitment to purity, claiming God has grace for your choices, it is important to remember that grace transforms \u2014 it doesn\u2019t enable. Francis Chan reminds us in his book \u201cCrazy Love<\/a>\u201d that \u201cGod loves us as we are, but His grace won\u2019t leave us there.\u201d Or as John Mark Comer writes in \u201cLive No Lies<\/a>,\u201d \u201cGod\u2019s grace isn\u2019t a license to sin; it\u2019s the power to overcome sin.\u201d<\/p>\n