I recently met a guy named James* at a local event for Christian singles. I thought we really hit it off. He seemed very nice, and we had a great conversation. He was cute, too. But when the event ended and I headed home, I wondered if I\u2019d ever see him again.<\/p>\n
The following week some of us who had met at the event got together to play pickleball and eat lunch. To my delight, James was there, and we ended up on the same pickleball team. \u201cYou guys complement each other really well on the court,\u201d remarked one of the guys in our group. I couldn\u2019t help but smile when he said it.<\/p>\n
After lunch I heard from James nine words I\u2019d never heard before: \u201cGrace, would you mind if I got your number?\u201d Several hours after sharing it, I read seven words I\u2019d never read before: \u201cWould you be interested in grabbing coffee?\u201d<\/p>\n
When I saw James\u2019 text, I was beyond thrilled. I could finally <\/em>check \u201cgo on a first date\u201d off my bucket list. Plus, I was eager to get to know him better and for him to get to know me better.<\/p>\n I promptly responded to James\u2019 message, and he suggested a specific coffee shop. After we nailed down the details, I gleefully added \u201cdate with James\u201d to my calendar. He even texted me the day before our date to confirm.<\/p>\n The next day I met James at the coffee shop. He arrived early, which I appreciated. We took our drinks to a nearby park and sat and talked. As he told me about his family, friends, church, job and hobbies, it felt like he was scooting closer and closer to me on the park bench, which made me even more nervous than I already was. I was still in shock that I was on a real date with a real guy who had really asked me out.<\/p>\n After we parted ways, I overthought the entire date. Though nothing bad<\/em> had happened per se, nothing good<\/em> had happened either.<\/p>\n My overthinking led me to a few discoveries about the date \u2014 what I had felt and experienced. \u00a0I boiled these down to three first date dos<\/em> and one don\u2019t<\/em>.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve seen countless Hallmark movies, which may have contributed to my extremely high expectations for my first date. I had two specific assumptions about my date with James that turned out to be untrue. First, I assumed he\u2019d pay for my coffee when I arrived, but he didn\u2019t. He didn\u2019t even offer to pay. Second, I assumed he\u2019d be completely enraptured with me, but he wasn\u2019t. Instead, he seemed unfocused and even distant. Both unmet expectations resulted in my feelings being hurt.<\/p>\n I can\u2019t stress how important it is to have low expectations for your first date. While you may have an amazing first date \u2014 and I hope you do \u2014 it probably won\u2019t be movie-worthy. Before my date with James, I wish I\u2019d remembered there\u2019s no such thing as \u201cperfect\u201d in this life. Everything has flaws, including first dates. But if you go into your first date with low expectations, you\u2019ll avoid feeling disillusioned if something goes majorly wrong. Any missteps (not paying for coffee) will merely be data points to consider; they won\u2019t have the power to destroy your life \u2014 or even your day. And if the date goes well, you have the opportunity to be pleasantly surprised.<\/p>\n After James texted to ask me out, I literally couldn\u2019t fall asleep. I was so elated \u2014 and anxious \u2014 about the situation that I didn\u2019t sleep at all <\/em>that night. When I went to church the following morning, I looked like a zombie.<\/p>\n Though a first date is <\/em>a big deal, it\u2019s not <\/em>worth losing sleep over. When you ask someone out \u2014 or are asked out by someone \u2014 take time to process how you feel. If you need to write down your thoughts or share them with a friend, go for it, but then give your concerns to God and relax. Instead of putting unnecessary pressure on yourself, the person you\u2019re going on a date with, or the date itself, choose to have peace, knowing God\u2019s plan will come to pass.<\/p>\n1. Do <\/em>have low expectations.<\/h5>\n
2. Do <\/em>chill out.<\/h5>\n