I don\u2019t have a good track record of being a best friend. From childhood through college, I mostly had friends for certain seasons or situations. I had school friends, church friends, neighborhood friends, band friends (haters gonna hate), and several stragglers from other walks of life.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not that I was a bad friend. I actually spent a lot of time with my friends \u2014 playing, laughing, fighting, getting into trouble \u2014 all the normal friend stuff. I even did a couple blood pacts for good measure and had an elementary school friend gift me half of a \u201cbest friends\u201d necklace to wear. The fact that I can\u2019t remember who gave it to me is telling, though.<\/p>\n
Despite the not-insignificant investment of time, blood and jewelry, most of my friendships ended when I moved, changed schools, or got especially mad at someone (\u201cShe stole my Barbie!\u201d \u201cShe stole my boyfriend!\u201d). Faced with disruption or change, geographic or otherwise, I just didn\u2019t have the skills (or maturity) to keep the relationship going.<\/p>\n
That said, my friend game has leveled up in adulthood. In some ways, it\u2019s had to. As a single woman, if I don\u2019t invest in friendships, I end up alone. Even my married friends who claim their spouse as their best friend admit that he or she can\u2019t do it all \u2014 can\u2019t be<\/i> it all.<\/p>\n
One of the biggest questions I get at Boundless is, \u201cHow can I find a true friend?\u201d It\u2019s a bit of a trick question, because the answer is \u2014 you don\u2019t. You don\u2019t find true friendship. You build it.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve now done this a few times and have decided there are at least five common qualities necessary in your relationship with a BFF, whether male or female. Some take longer to cultivate than others, but all require effort and intention.<\/p>\n
1. They actually like you. <\/b><\/b><\/p>\n
A best friend enjoys being around you and likes the real<\/i> you, not the you who is the life of the party, tells them what they want to hear, or gets them a free flight with the Southwest Companion Pass. A true best friend is fun to talk to, hang out with, share life with, and learn with. They are a genuinely interesting person. They create memories with you and want to relive them.<\/p>\n
2. They\u2019re your \u201cride or die.\u201d<\/b><\/b><\/p>\n
A true friend is loyal and supportive. They are selfless and giving, willing to sacrifice for your good. They will go to the gym with you. They will go to the ER with you. They\u2019re your emergency contact and your fiercest prayer partner. They will cry with you or punch stuff (not people) with you when things are bad. They will cheer for you and show up for you, whatever the cost.<\/p>\n
3. They call you on your stuff. <\/b><\/b><\/p>\n
A best friend isn\u2019t a pushover. They\u2019re not a bully, but they\u2019re not a coward, either. They will disagree with you and call you out when you are wrong, out of line, or being ridiculous. They don\u2019t put up with your sin, but they forgive you when you repent of it. They don\u2019t let you sit in sameness; they push you toward growth<\/span><\/a>. They don\u2019t let you be or do whatever you want; they help you be or do what God has called you to. True friendship is honest, real and sharpening on all fronts.<\/p>\n 4. They fight with you and still remain your friend. <\/b><\/b><\/p>\n I have said the most horrible things to my best friends. I have done the most horrible things to my best friends. I have blamed them, betrayed them and tried to ditch them. But you haven\u2019t tasted true friendship until you\u2019ve fought with a friend only to discover you both want to work it out. You want to stay friends. Best friends don\u2019t define you by your worst moments. They say, \u201cThat was bad, but it\u2019s not who you are<\/i>.\u201d They say, \u201cThis is true, but it\u2019s not the truest thing<\/i> about you.\u201d This only works when both parties are honest, repentant, and ruled by grace. If your relationship is one-sided, shame-based, or sucking the life out of you, that\u2019s not friendship: that\u2019s abuse. Walk away.<\/p>\n 5. They move you toward Jesus \u2014 not away from Him. <\/b><\/b><\/p>\n A true friend wants what\u2019s best for you, and ultimately, that\u2019s Jesus. He is the GOAT, the original and unequaled Best Friend. Your earthly best friend will make sure you\u2019re becoming more and more like Jesus. They won\u2019t pull you into sinful behaviors or thought patterns<\/span><\/a>. They won\u2019t let you believe lies<\/span><\/a>. They won\u2019t let you hurt yourself or others<\/span><\/a>. They will set a good example<\/span><\/a> in reading and obeying God\u2019s Word, fellowshipping with other believers, and serving. And they will never, ever try to be your number one. They will reserve that spot for Christ and Christ alone.<\/p>\n Best friends are hard to come by. Not everyone is mature enough to press into the five things above. But for those who do, the benefits are huge. And this isn\u2019t one-sided; you too must be all these things if you want to be best friend material. Healthy, God-honoring friends attract healthy, God-honoring friends. So grow in wisdom, humility, perseverance and love. Then pray for a true friend \u2014 or two or three. Blood pacts and necklaces optional.<\/p>\n Copyright 2025 Lisa Anderson. All rights reserved.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Five signs you have a friendship worth keeping. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":102,"featured_media":43233,"menu_order":0,"template":"","categories":[6,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-43231","blog","type-blog","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life-with-others","category-relationships"],"yoast_head":"\nBe a friend to find a friend<\/b><\/h4>\n