In her book \u201cThe Hiding Place,\u201d Corrie ten Boom shares the story of falling in love with Karel, a friend of her brother Willem. While in her 20s, Corrie began a pattern of daily walks with Karel that quickly developed into conversations about a future together, complete with a house and children.<\/p>\n
Willem warned Corrie that Karel\u2019s family would disapprove of her. He knew they were set on Karel marrying a woman with money and status, and that his friend could not disappoint them. Karel and Corrie\u2019s relationship shifted to long distance, sustained by letters, until one day Karel showed up unexpectedly at Corrie\u2019s door and introduced another woman to her as his fianc\u00e9e.<\/p>\n
Willem had been right. Devastated, Corrie ran to her room and wept.<\/p>\n
Corrie went on to hide Jews in the Netherlands during World War II. This work landed her in Ravensbruck, a Nazi concentration camp, where she spent most of 1944. After the war, she opened a home to provide healing for concentration camp survivors. She also began writing and speaking about what she had learned during her time in Ravensbruck. For decades she traveled internationally, teaching about God\u2019s grace in suffering and the power of the gospel for reconciliation.<\/p>\n
Corrie\u2019s life illustrates what the Apostle Paul teaches<\/a> in 1 Corinthians 7:32-34. Here, Paul tells us that one of the great privileges of singleness is the ability to focus on serving God\u2019s kingdom, unencumbered by the distractions of marriage. Of course, those who are married also serve God\u2019s kingdom through their family life. But it is far more difficult for them to have a singular focus on the type of outward-facing ministry that characterized Corrie\u2019s life.<\/p>\n While losing Karel was devastating at the time, it enabled the never-married Corrie to have a future ministry of great purpose. As we\u2019re reminded in 1 Corinthians 2:9<\/a>, we simply have not seen, heard or imagined \u201cwhat God has prepared for those who love him.\u201d<\/p>\n How do we find joy and contentment in singleness if we long for marriage? How do we avoid cynicism or bitterness? Pastor Carey Nieuwhof teaches that the cure to cynicism is curiosity. One way singles can grow in joy and contentment is to be curious about how God is using our flexibility and freedom to advance His kingdom. God was not just at work in Corrie\u2019s story; He is at work in yours, too.<\/p>\n I see this in my own life. In my late 20s I became the only pastor at an established church. This was both wonderful and terrible. Wonderful, because I had my dream job at least 10 years early; terrible, because I skipped 10 years of learning and growing as an assistant pastor. My early years of ministry were what one mentor called a \u201cvertical learning curve.\u201d Thrust into that leadership position with practically no experience, my days were often stressful and busy.<\/p>\n I look back and see God\u2019s mercy and wisdom in keeping me single. I can only imagine the damage my work habits would have done to a wife or children. Unmarried, I could move forward with singular focus. A local pastor once asked me what it was like to be a single pastor. I told him, \u201cI don\u2019t have conversations with my wife about how many nights a week I can be out.\u201d<\/p>\n As S\u00f8ren Kierkegaard famously said, \u201cLife can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.\u201d I can now genuinely thank God for keeping me single. Being never married in my 30s is not how I would have written my story, but thankfully, I\u2019m not the author. As the Heidelberg Catechism reminds me, I am not my own but belong to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n Of course, singleness provides more than the opportunity to focus on serving Christ. We can find gratitude in other ways singleness provides unexpected delight: deeper connections with friends<\/a> and a greater capacity for generosity, just to name two.<\/p>\n Singles seeking joy and contentment can ask God for opportunities to leverage our freedom for the kingdom. And we can reflect on how God is already using us. Pray about how your singleness can be an answer to the Lord\u2019s Prayer \u2014 how God can use you as His instrument to make it on earth as it is in heaven.<\/p>\n In exercising curiosity, we must not gloss over loss and grief. Marriage is a great gift that offers unique benefits and privileges. Singles who long for it know the truth of Proverbs 13:12<\/a>: \u201cHope deferred makes the heart sick.\u201d While we obviously struggle with consumerism in the west, we are also anemic when it comes to grief and lament<\/a>.<\/p>\n Depending on who you ask, somewhere from one third to one half of the Psalms are laments. And yet many of us cannot define lament, much less do it. Lament is crying out to God with our grief while also holding on to His goodness and faithfulness. Old Testament scholar Jay Sklar describes it as \u201chope in the midst of sorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n In her article, \u201cFriends, We Are Not in a Grief Contest<\/a>,\u201d Dr. Dani Treweek has the courage to name the grief, losses, disappointments and insecurities that come with the single life. Her account is candid, poignant and raw. Many singles are unwilling to name these things because of the attendant pain, yet we must acknowledge our losses and sadness if we want true joy.<\/p>\n Brene Brown sums it up well in \u201cThe Gifts of Imperfection\u201d:<\/p>\n \u201cWe cannot selectively numb emotions. When we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n We cannot end up at joy without traveling through grief.<\/p>\n The Psalms show this, too. Despite being full of lament, the last five Psalms in the Bible are ones of praise and rejoicing. In his commentary on the Psalms, Derek Kidner says this reflects the pattern of the Christian life:<\/p>\n \u201c[T]he Psalms are a miniature of our story as a whole, which will end in unbroken blessing and delight.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n If you belong to the Lord, your life is destined to end in blessing and delight, regardless of whether you marry.<\/p>\n Name your losses like Dr. Treweek. Cry about them like Corrie Ten Boom. And trust God\u2019s promise in Psalm 34:18<\/a>, that He is \u201cnear to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.\u201d<\/p>\nSingles stay curious<\/h4>\n
Singles lament in hope<\/h4>\n