{"id":44025,"date":"2025-09-23T01:25:34","date_gmt":"2025-09-23T07:25:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/?post_type=blog&p=44025"},"modified":"2025-09-22T09:26:11","modified_gmt":"2025-09-22T15:26:11","slug":"4-things-that-singles-forget","status":"publish","type":"blog","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/blog\/4-things-that-singles-forget\/","title":{"rendered":"4 Things That Singles Forget"},"content":{"rendered":"

Years ago, a woman announced an upcoming event at my church. She wanted to ensure the single adults in our congregation felt welcome to attend. \u201cThis is for pairs and <\/em>spares!\u201d she proclaimed.<\/p>\n

Her statement was outrageously cringe, but I still smile when I think about it. Why? Because I didn\u2019t take it personally. I didn\u2019t internalize it, and I certainly didn\u2019t let it dictate my value as a person.<\/p>\n

If you think I\u2019m in denial, let me explain. As a never-married adult, I\u2019ve had many ups and downs in dating, being single, and hoping for marriage. A few decades of ups and downs, to be exact. I\u2019ve heard and experienced all the weird stereotypes, clich\u00e9s, assumptions around \u2014 even attempted solutions for \u2014 my singleness. Some made me roll my eyes. Some made me clench my fists. Some made me cry.<\/p>\n

Despite the many emotions (all valid, by the way), I eventually realized there is only one person responsible for how I experience being single. That person is me.<\/p>\n

No victims allowed<\/h4>\n

This is true of anything we shoulder from our stories; being single is just one example. Some people struggle to live victoriously in the wake of divorce. Or financial ruin. Or childhood abuse. Or addiction.<\/p>\n

While every one of us has been victimized in some way \u2014 and I will underscore that some forms of victimization are especially evil \u2014 the choice to live<\/em> as a victim, especially as a child of God, is ours alone.<\/p>\n

This is National Singles Week. This is not necessarily significant except that it\u2019s an opportunity for me to uniquely encourage those of you who are single to step out of a victim mindset<\/a> and reframe who you are and what you\u2019re about. Here are four truths that single adults too often forget, plus ways to live them out in hopeful and helpful ways.<\/p>\n

Your singleness isn\u2019t the biggest thing about you. <\/strong>In case you\u2019re wondering, a married person\u2019s marriage isn\u2019t the biggest thing about them. They are not simply someone\u2019s \u201cother half.\u201d A married person is a unique individual created by God who happens to have the privilege of being in a covenant relationship with their spouse here on earth. On the last day when we stand before the Lord, married people will stand as individuals. They will give an account of their own deeds<\/a>, not those of their husband or wife. Those who know Christ will enter heaven as individuals; there is no marriage in heaven.<\/p>\n

Our primary identity, then, isn\u2019t our relationship status with others, it\u2019s our relationship status with God. That\u2019s what matters. Every person, married or single, was designed to be in relationship with God<\/a>. That\u2019s the biggest thing about you. Beyond that, you have unique talents, experiences and personality traits that make you who you are. You may be single, but you are so much more.<\/p>\n

You are part of a family.<\/strong> Family isn\u2019t just for couples with 2.5 kids and a dog. If you were born, you have a biological mom and dad and maybe some siblings. If you were adopted, you now have an adoptive mom and\/or dad and family. Whether your family is loving or completely dysfunctional, you have a family.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know why so many single adults act like lone rangers \u2014 like disembodied appendages of their families \u2014 just because they\u2019re single. If it is at all possible, lean into your family. Show up as a daughter or son, granddaughter or grandson, aunt or uncle<\/a>. Love and pray for those whom God has entrusted to you as family.<\/p>\n

You may marry someday and start another family, but you will always have the family you have now, regardless of whether those people are invested in you or estranged from you. Ask God for the grace to understand your role in your family and then live it out to His glory.<\/p>\n

Being unmarried doesn\u2019t make you unworthy of marriage. <\/strong>A friend said this to me and it stopped me in my tracks. I had 100 percent internalized the lie that some people are \u201cmarriage material\u201d and others just aren\u2019t. Some singles believe an even more insidious lie: that being single means you are unlovable on any level.<\/p>\n

Friends, just stop. Marriage isn\u2019t a gift given only to the most deserving. Marriage is a blessing that certainly merits honor and intention, but there are completely wacky, unhealthy married people just as there are completely top-shelf, healthy single people.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve said it before: If God wants you married, He can get you married. If you desire marriage, do your part in prayer, preparation and pursuit; then leave the rest to Him. But never, ever <\/em>think that you are a project to complete or a mess to clean up just because you are single.<\/p>\n

Being single does not mean being alone. <\/strong>You may not be called to marriage, but you are absolutely called to relationship. It\u2019s wrong to wait until marriage to invest in another person. We are relational beings just as God is a relational being<\/a>. Made in His image, we are made for community. It is your responsibility as a child of God to invest in others as a reflection of God\u2019s love for His creation \u2014 not to mention for your own good.<\/p>\n

Sure, scrolling through social media and Netflix is tempting on a Friday night, but what about that friend who could use some encouragement? What about that small group you\u2019ve been meaning to join? Or the Saturday volunteer workday you saw in your church\u2019s bulletin last week?<\/p>\n

Connection is a human need, not a romantic one. Find your people, expand your circle, and experience the richness of relationship wherever you are on your journey.<\/p>\n

Grace for today<\/h4>\n

As I close, here\u2019s a final truth: Today, I woke up single. I may wish I were married, but I\u2019m not. What I\u2019ve been given today is the opportunity to trust God with my singleness and then leverage it for my good and God\u2019s glory.<\/p>\n

This is an exciting prospect filled with potential and promise. It is entirely within my power today to smile, build someone up, contribute somewhere, or learn something new. Hey, it\u2019s also within my power to ask someone on a date, ask someone to ask me on a date, or even assume someone\u2019s asking me on a date only to discover they just want financial support for their next missions trip.<\/p>\n

What I won\u2019t <\/em>do is be a victim of my singleness. I hope you won\u2019t, either. Even if a lady at church calls you a \u201cspare.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Interested in having Lisa speak at your next event? Click here<\/a> to fill out the interest form.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Copyright 2025 Lisa Anderson. All rights reserved.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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