{"id":44148,"date":"2025-10-13T01:25:37","date_gmt":"2025-10-13T07:25:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/?p=44148"},"modified":"2025-09-29T13:15:21","modified_gmt":"2025-09-29T19:15:21","slug":"how-to-celebrate-like-a-loser","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.boundless.org\/adulthood\/how-to-celebrate-like-a-loser\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Celebrate Like a Loser"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last year, I attended a three-day expo featuring artists, animators and storytellers. Can you guess what my favorite session was? Nope, not the art of galaxies far, far away \u2014 although that was definitely cool. Not how character is story, or even the art of dramatic writing.<\/p>\n

My favorite session was about failure. Yep, failure<\/em>.<\/p>\n

One of the speakers, Jorge R. Gutierrez \u2014 a Mexican animator, writer, producer, director and voice actor with notable successes \u2014 spent an entire session talking about losing. And he didn\u2019t just focus on any failure. He spoke of his <\/em>failure. His<\/em> setbacks. All the \u201cno\u2019s\u201d he<\/em> received over the years.<\/p>\n

What made this session top my list? It\u2019s not like failure is fun or exciting or helps me write a better article, right? It was Jorge\u2019s mindset, attitude and outlook. He explained that even when we lose, we still win. His failures had made him stronger because of the experiences, and he told us ours could, too.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t realize it until later, but what Jorge had done was reframe his losses, celebrate those failures, and identify what he\u2019d gained through them. And while it isn\u2019t always easy to pick ourselves up after we lose, you and I can do the same.<\/p>\n

Put your failure in a new frame<\/h4>\n

What does it look like to reframe a failure? Here are two ideas.<\/p>\n

1. Admit that failure is hard and it hurts.<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s difficult to celebrate failure right after it happens. Very few of us are ready to share with others or even recognize ourselves how loss can make us stronger<\/a>. It\u2019s too fresh and too painful. So before we can even think about reframing failure, it\u2019s OK and even healthy to sit with the reality that losing stinks.<\/p>\n

My husband, Ted, and I recently had to sit with the reality of failure. We live in the Arizona desert, where gardening and tree cultivation take grit. Lots and lots of grit.<\/p>\n

Sometimes what Ted plants, grows. Our prickly pear cactus has quadrupled in size. But more often, what Ted plants dies despite his best efforts. We\u2019ve watched a fruit tree refuse to thrive, tomato plants wither, and succulents suffer sunburn. It\u2019s been a frustrating experience.<\/p>\n

When it first started happening, I went into encourage mode. \u201cWe can try again,\u201d I said. I texted him article links with tips for our region. But his heart still hurt. He wasn\u2019t ready to solve problems.<\/p>\n

With time, I realized I\u2019d jumped too quickly into trying to fix our plant problem. Instead, it would have been better for me to start by sitting with Ted in the pain and admitting that dead plants rightly equal sad hearts.<\/p>\n

The apostle Paul wrote about how challenges eventually build character in us. In Romans 5:3\u20135<\/a>, he says:<\/p>\n

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. (NLT)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Did you catch the first few words of these verses? \u201cWe can rejoice, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

While we may not be ready to celebrate immediately, our hearts will get there. That is, if we don\u2019t get stuck in our pain but instead keep taking the necessary steps to reframe our failure. As Jorge said at his session, \u201cWhen something bad happens, you have a choice. You can go down with it or use it to go up.\u201d<\/p>\n

2. Adjust your mindset, attitude and outlook.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Adjusting isn\u2019t about looking on the bright side. It\u2019s about taking stock and asking ourselves: What mindset, attitude and outlook am I bringing to my failure?<\/em><\/p>\n

We can either approach losing with a fixed mindset<\/em> or a growth mindset<\/em>. A fixed mindset believes our potential is limited. It says: We can\u2019t change what we can\u2019t change<\/em>. A growth mindset views failure as an opportunity to learn, adapt, and try again. It\u2019s a mindset I heard in Jorge\u2019s session as he shared, \u201cEvery time we get rejected, I\u2019d say, \u2018Can you tell me what I can do better?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Mindset directly influences our attitude<\/em>, or how we think and feel about what happened. For some of us, our default is to nurse our bruised ego. And this goes beyond the normal and healthy grief we feel. It\u2019s when we take ourselves too seriously and feel intense shame when we don\u2019t succeed.<\/p>\n

But focusing on ourselves and catering to our injured pride actively prevents us from reframing failure, as it requires humility. Pastor Chad Moore<\/a> says that pride pretends, or wears a mask, while humility lives in reality and accepts the truth about ourselves and our situation.<\/p>\n

A big part of that truth is to acknowledge a failure as a failure. Forbes contributor Dede Henley<\/a> advises, \u201cTell the truth \u2014 to yourself and others.\u201d She explains:<\/p>\n

Naming something a failure and bringing a measure of objectivity to the telling of it takes a certain amount of grit and courage. And that\u2019s exactly what gets built each time you name it. Over time, you not only become more resilient in the face of setbacks, you help create a . . . healthier relationship to failure. As a result, you get more and more comfortable naming it without spiraling into shame.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Humbly naming our failure and living in reality is where our outlook<\/em><\/a>, or how we view the future, comes in. The truth is that, yes, we may have failed, but failure is not who we are. Our identities are not defined by where we win and lose. We are, through Christ, children of God<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Not only that, but God isn\u2019t done with our stories. Just as He promised to bring beauty from ashes<\/a> for the Israelites, He can do the same for us. And that beauty might be that we grow more like Jesus in how we think or act, or we build more grit and empathy.<\/p>\n

When we shift to a growth mindset and adopt a humble attitude, our outlook changes. We can, as Elizabeth Lombardo encourages in her article \u201c5 Ways to Reframe Failure<\/a>,” shift our attention from how we failed to what we can learn and do differently, both now and in the future.<\/p>\n

Plan your celebration party<\/h4>\n

So if we successfully reframe our failure, how do we celebrate? That\u2019s where the \u201cparty planning\u201d comes in. Here are three steps you can use to plan your celebration.<\/p>\n

1. Pick the when and where.<\/strong><\/p>\n

When we celebrate depends on what failure or loss we\u2019ve experienced. Some losses, like shrinking our favorite shirt in the dryer or running over the nail in the road, can be celebrated sooner. But others, like a broken engagement or a shattered career goal, may require weeks or months before we\u2019re ready. And that\u2019s OK. Remember, first we have to admit that failure is hard and it hurts.<\/p>\n

Once we are ready, we pick the time and place. Is this a celebration that\u2019s just between us and God? If so, maybe we splurge on our favorite latte or chai, and we toast to God\u2019s sovereignty. If it\u2019s with friends or family, our celebration might be a group hike where nature reminds us how big God is and how small we are, and we thank Him that no failure happens outside His control.<\/p>\n

2. Choose a mood.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Next, we determine whether to be light-hearted or reflective. What\u2019s the feel of our celebration? It could be a time of rejoicing that this is not the end of the story, focusing on God\u2019s faithfulness in the face of loss, or brainstorming what could be done differently next time. It depends on our individual personalities and the specific failure we\u2019re celebrating.<\/p>\n

3. Invite the guests.<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to invite God to all of our celebration parties. Each one needs to be marked by dependence on and trust in Him. But if we also decide to ask friends or family, it\u2019s wise to pick encouragers who speak both grace and truth into our lives. It\u2019s essential to surround ourselves with those who don\u2019t support our inner critic, but instead wisely point us to God and His sovereignty.<\/p>\n

It may feel silly to plan a celebration party after you fail. But it\u2019s not. It allows us to tangibly recognize, accept and proclaim that we believe our identity is found in God and not in failure and that the story He\u2019s writing is better than the one we\u2019d pen ourselves. Through celebration, we acknowledge our trust and dependence on Him and His timing.<\/p>\n

When you lose, you win<\/h4>\n

A year or two before this expo, I got word that my second book was going out of print. Sales hadn\u2019t been good. This biggest \u201closer\u201d moment in my life caused me to take a break from writing and tell myself there were no more books in my future.<\/p>\n

So after that session on failure, I waited in line to meet Jorge. I wanted him to know how he had encouraged a discouraged author.<\/p>\n

It was Jorge\u2019s expo session on failure that helped change my mindset, attitude and outlook. It was there, in that auditorium, that I started believing that maybe it wasn\u2019t the end of God\u2019s good story for me as an author.<\/p>\n

Whatever your failure is, it isn\u2019t the end of God\u2019s good story for you either. So keep trying, keep failing, keep growing stronger, and as you do, give a celebratory nod to those losses along the way.<\/p>\n

Copyright 2025 Ashleigh Slater. All rights reserved.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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